All, thanks for the words of encouragement.
A quick brief…
I’ve not worked for 3 months now and, if we screw things down, I’ll have enough money to get me through to Christmas. After that, I just don’t know.
The above comment about the job, being good at it, earning the money, getting in a rut, is all true. But the arse has fallen out of the railway market right now. Most work is on HS2 and based in Manchester and Birmingham which is no good for me.
I guess it’s all being gathering up on me for some time now and last night was the final straw… I hadn’t played a record for a couple of weeks so decided I wanted to hear a few choons. Fuck me, but only playing out of one channel. I’ve got to see what’s wrong by swapping things around, but it all came crashing down on me. I guess that was the final straw.
I’ve been trying to stay positive for everyone, but I think I’ve just been kidding myself. Right now I can’t see any light. I know things will get better, but how and when are beyond me right now.
The black dog seems to be following me everywhere and I just can’t get rid of it.
Again, thanks for the kind words.
This might be only a little bit of help considering your other problems Dave, but if the one channel thing is your amp or Phono stage, I can lend you an Arcam 8r or a Phonobox SE 2 mm/mc, or both if needs be, just so you can have som music.
There’s always someone here to listen to you Dave.
You might get some good or some bad advice you didn’t ask for, you’ll definitely get some piss taking and humour to help deflect from your situation.
But you’ll always get a good listening to and some understanding of what you’re feeling.
I guess that’s why I spilled my guts on here. The place may be full of cunts but you’re good cunts and I’ve seen the help that others have received.
Rob, thanks for the offer - very kind of you. I have a spare backup amp that I’ll dig out later and I’ll do my swapping around that.
And thank you to those of you who PMd me; it’s very appreciated.
You are amongst friends here.
Having suffered from depression and anxiety myself brought on by pressure from the last recession, I know what you are going through, hopefully you’re in touch with the docs who can help in lots of ways, meds if needed and referrals.
Dave, my brother who works in the care industry has recently really struggled with anxiety. He initially blamed it on medication for an unrelated condition and smoking, he stopped both which in terms of the medication wasn’t a great idea.
Anyway after distance support from me and more local support he went to his GP who has been excellent and has proscribed medication which is really helping. The docs can make a big difference.
I can also lend a diy valve phono if needed.
Wise words from Rob there - we’re mostly old enough that there’s some sense of stigma attached to seeking professional help and boshing some tablets down yer neck - but the reality is that right-now your own brain biochemistry is already starting to play some really dirty tricks on you - tricks that will make getting your situation sorted-out much more difficult.
Better to get-in early, have a word with the doc, and get on-top of the situation as a whole - and you’ll find that later-on things will take care of themselves as normal again 
Wise words indeed from yourself, Rob and others.
I should have said the stigma element was a big part of my brothers challenges. He then started talking with friends in the pub and discovered some of those were on the same medication or had friends on family who were.
Some good advice on going to the docs and getting the prescribed treatment. My advice is to stick with what the docs say and don’t stop when you first feel brighter which in my experience can happen fairly quickly.
Good luck with it and keep talking.
Saying you’re fucked and admitting it are strong attributes Sir
Give me a shout if there is anything I can do
Not only are they strong attributes, they are the firsts steps to recovery. My Son was panicking over his PhD and was about to quit. We talked things over with him and pointed out the symptoms of depressions and anxiety. This gave him a “name” for his feelings and a trip to the Doctor and a mild dose of pills set him on the road to recovery and a successful PhD.
Very best of luck.
This (and t’other) place has helped me through some pretty dark times. I have found that in supporting Narelle and her Black Dog, the fucking thing has had a pup.
There is something about throwing your own shit at a wall while rocking back and forth, that doesn’t quite give the release that blurting out some inner turmoil on here.
Supporting family can be tough when nobody sees how much it’s affecting you.
I can’t/won’t offer any platitudes, as I totally get your mood. Some days are just shit. Just don’t bottle it up.
All the best Dave.
Is there anyone out there who will talk to me please. I’m happy to give my number.
Samaritans were shit.
I’ll talk to you
Sorry Dave. I would normally be happy to help, but I’m struggling myself at the moment and I fear it could make matters worse.
All the best though mate.
I’m struggling too but just about keeping my head above water.
Hang on in there and talk to TMC.
You are not alone.
Dave,
That was a good hour chat 
Cheers
Mick
I don’t know when my next out and about trip is, but if I’m passing and any of you want to sit and have a coffee in the garden and talk about whatever, let me know
You might end up Feeling worse when I’ve gone , but it helps to get shit out the system whatever it is About
Men for to long have been expected to man up and get on with it. That is utter bollocks, we all need to off load now and then
I’ve been through some tough times, but the uncertainty of the current situation is not to be underestimated in terms of work, money relationships health etc
Day at a time Dave. I will talk to you anytime.
If any of you find yourself in the northwest you’re welcome to enjoy my coffee (good) and my company (jury’s out). I am at least as miserable in real life so set your expectations accordingly 