Good luck Paul. I’m truly humbled that you’re comfortable enough to seek help and support here. I really hope that things will pick up for you as soon as possible.
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We love you too mate, and no it’s not a Hifi forum, that’s just a bit of misdirection, 
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I hope that you don’t mind Paul, but I’ve shown this thread to Claire.
She can relate to a lot of what you’re going through with work. And she said, pretty verbatim:
“He needs to go off sick, now. He’s doing what a load of teachers do and is feeling guilty about letting his pupils down and loading more work on to colleagues, but there’s always cover available in schools. He can easily put his work on hold, but he can’t put his depression or stress on hold, he can’t put his family on hold. He can always put work on hold”.
So there.
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And I’ll add, and it’s going to sound harsh, you can’t help every single one of your pupils who are failing because of the problems that their parents are having. It’s fucking impossible, you’re not capable of doing it, no one is.
I’m not saying that you should pick and choose who to help, or how much to help them, that’s entirely up to you, but you just need to learn to accept your own limits. You’re finite, you can only give so much, and right now you need to look after yourself and your family, that’s where your resources need to be focused at the moment.
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Negative thoughts feed negative thoughts. Same for positive ones. Focus on everything positive that you have, everyday. I know this only goes so far. Definitely taken a good step sharing I feel.
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I understand why you have done this, and I genuinely respect your selflessness and hard work very much, but might I also venture to suggest it may be why you’re having this conversation at-all. Sometimes you need to remind yourself that the needs of others are a bottomless well and that it is not for you alone to fill it. Perhaps it’s time to think of yourself a little more, put your needs first, step back a little, take some time out. Permit yourself to rest.
The post that precipitated this was strong stuff - no-one says those things or thinks those thoughts lightly. Perhaps the best way to do right by everyone who loves and depends upon you is not by continuing self-sacrifice, but by taking some guilt-free Time Out. Sometimes the biggest monkey on many of our backs is ourselves. The World has a knack of keeping-on turning, the young are remarkably resilient (as you yourself are living testimony), and people will get-by just fine while you temporarily find a way to recharge your batteries.
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Yeah you’re right. I’m no martyr and try to keep a realistic head with regards to the support I give my most vulnerable children.
The stress of recent times and the constant political u-turns of the useless DfE has created a toxic environment that has become unbearable. I will try to step back and hopefully detach from it rather than detaching from what is important in my life outside of work.
Thanks for the supportive replies and to @Rob998 and Claire for the same advice.
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Just look after yourself mate. Then you can look after everything else.
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Like rob says. There’s a reason they tell you to put your mask on first.
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I haven’t posted as there is not really anything I can add except to express my support Loo at this shit time.
Please look after yourself, you have taken the first incredibly difficult step the moment you first posted, everyone here is rooting for you.
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All the best loo, some great advice from others
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Great advice. Really admire you for speaking out Paul and rooting for you.
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I can relate, in a small way, to what you’ve gone through with depression.
I’ve had issues in the past with depression myself, after I split up with my first wife, and things spirallled very quickly downhill. I did get myself back on an even keel eventually thanks to my GP and councelling but, looking back, I think my a lot of my problems stemmed from the usual male thing of bottling things up.
Hopefully talking about your problems on here will help and as the rest of the guys have said - time to look after yourself.
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Seconding what Kevin said above, Paul. So much good sentiment and advice on here, and so good that you (and we all) feel able to express and be supported in this place. I know I’m a much less frequent poster than most on here, but I’m always present, and value the support network that exists here, immensely. Big love to you dude.
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Thanks for all the support. Trying to keep in the moment at least for the weekend.
Enjoying some nice bourbon, stupid money stereo and reading and posting shit on here.
Currently Monday feels like a lifetime away.
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If you can keep it that way Paul, you are winning
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An awful lot to be said for mindfulness mate.
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Only for reminding me that I’m getting old and my eyesight is going, can’t read any of that.
Cunt.
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