Pad in Hoi An
Pad in Symi
Retire the fuck out of it
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Buy a place of my own, invite you cuntz for a bake off, buy a few studio flats to rent out at affordable prices.
And an IWC wristwatch.
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This.
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Buy a remote 5 or 6 acre wood and have a smallish cabin with a covered open porch built in the middle of it, next to the pond. Cart along my existing hifi (don’t need better) and build a cold store full of Belgian Beer. Sit and relax. Job’s a good’un.
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one hundred million foam prawns
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Trust fund for the nieces 
Given the absolute state of the housing market it might at least get them started, if that’s what they want.
edit:
Which I guess is exactly this
by proxy.
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Buy my mum the house she is living in.
Put £250k in a trust for FoL
Pay off the mortgage.
Tart up the house.
Take several holidays.
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I’d give half of it to @coco who is the nicest person in the whole wide world
(hedging in case you’ve won on a scratchcard)
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RETIRE NOW
Then live high on the hog for as long as it lasts.
- Get an excellent accountant
- Spread investments H&L risk with excellent investment co.
The trouble with retirement / living off a lump is, you don’t know when your sand will run out. So a contingency in (transferable) trust is handy. You either spend it as required in your lifetime or some family member gets some bunce.
I would buy a slightly larger house; I don’t need many more bedrooms really but having a separate work room and a lounge would be lovely. I’d then look at all the alternatives to buying a Porsche 911 before realising that- when it’s my own money involved- I’m going to buy a 911. I’d like to help my girlfriend wipe her financial slate too. Then I’d buy @coco a Milgauss, stipulating that he must wear it with short sleeves whenever the outdoor temp is above 15 degrees.
I wouldn’t stop working, I’d stay in the same location as now and I don’t even think I’d do much travelling. I like my life so it would just increase the margin of error.
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£500,000 on a house.
Nice camper van and travel the coast of the uk.
Give the kids a £100,000 each to put down on a house.
Go mad buying and selling hifi with the rest.
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Haha. I wish!
An eight hand massage on a bed of Colombian marching powder and then take it from there.
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All the Rolexes? Nope - sold all my watches as I have no use for man-jewelry.
A couple of Porsches? Nope - if I wanna drive fast then I’ll book a track day.
Houses for the kids? Nope - she and her fiancé can do that themselves
Shitty Magico speakers? Nope - horn reasons
I don’t want to retire just yet as I’m enjoying work. Not too sure what I’d buy tbh, maybe a house by the sea somewhere.
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Apart from putting the house ( about 150 years old ) in ‘as new’ order and making sure the children and families were ok, I have no ambition to change my lifestyle at all. I enjoy being a slob.
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