I’ve lost track. Does the C of E start Advent/Xmas the day after dealing with the other lot on bonfire night ?
Please define the terms festive / mouthfeel pertaining to Mince pies.
I am braced to learn.
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Good man. There is a whole world of luscious tarts to be savoured before we celebrate St Eligius although, strictly speaking, we should hold back & deny ourselves such earthly pleasures until St Nick’s day on the 6th.
Pick one or several.
A Hindu, a Buddhist, Raised by wolves, Alien, agnostic, A three pound lump of grey matter in a cranium
Here are some pies:
The warmed pies smell so delectable you salivate,
…But you can’t eat it yet, because they are linked to a calendar date upon which attention is turned to
celebrate an entity you have not and will never meet, much less believe in
Sirs, I put it to you you have been indoctrinated! Where is the logic to this remarkable charade?
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Thank God for pies.
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They look sensuous. I could be drawn away from calender fundamentalism if I were to look at them for much longer.
The ability to have a pie all year merely dilutes its power. Similar to being able to get strawberries all year round, they are usually tasteless until ripened in the bosom of summer - something to look forward to and not taken for granted. Same with the pie.
Anaemic pastry and cloying cloves attract me no longer. Festive delights where pastry chef’s are drunk on merriment, let loose with plump alcoholic fruit bursting from the seams and caramelised gently is where it should be at.
Of course it is possible to over-caramelise… thinking back to @Wayward 's igneous beauties from a few years ago.
Don’t be like I was. Wait, enjoy the enticement.
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A surplus of anything dilutes its enjoyment. Save December for the pleasures of the mince, March for the HXbun. There are plenty of other pies, tarts, pasteis, pasties etc for the rest of the year.
Also, my birthday’s in November & I don’t want Christmas fucking with it 
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Do you apply this thinking to pizza , steak or potatoes? Yes? Why No: Why?
No, imported strawbs are tasteless. This has as much to do with the pie as my first goldfish dyeing after two short days.
Teasing, like foreplay takes energy away from the main event = wasteful distraction.
How self limiting. Imagine, as ‘a nation of shop keepers’ we practiced this. No, I’m sorry, no bread for you, you’ll enjoy it all the more next week. No, no madam no baby milk - your child will find it character building.
…Abundance brings contentment, security and pleasure on tap. Caligua understood this, so did the Pagans even consumerism urges for more. Perhaps it is Christianity which binds the pie so very wrongly.
News Flash: We are all going to die, live now! Liberate the Pie!
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What colour did you dye it? Is this some kind of messed up hobby practiced in distant eastern lands?
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It wasn’t the dye that killed it, it was getting the gold off with a blow torch.
I’ll get my coat 
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Who knew that you could salvage actual gold in this way.
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A pox on you both.
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I trust you will post photos of the results.
“Behold! I now have a [insert pretentious farrow and ball colour name here] fish”
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Is this a new decoration for the tree? To give the Christmas Prawn some company?
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Shuddder, I fear the Prawn my suffer a terrible ‘accident’ this year… I mean where’s the decorum ?
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Down the back of the sofa ?
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along with my dreams
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