I caved in to temptation. 
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Full report needed. Cold & reheated.
I can do better; I will ask for feedback from a mate that is visiting later.
Full report to be submitted within 24 hours.
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Haha, the Yuletide crossover nobody asked for is now complete @AmDismal
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Blimey, they’re still doing that?
Also, that Simmons pie they gave top scores to looks like it needs another 5 minutes in the oven. Really pale.
They are, but they’re great.
I’ve heard told the Simmons are decent, they seem to offer local delivery although ‘not to my area’ ggrrr
So today there have been these -
These are £2.25 / six.
I would like to say these strive for adequacy, but there is neither striving nor adequacy.
The pastry is the usual over-crumbly, soft, sugary pabulum, relieved - at least - by not being horrifically undercooked. Like the vast majority of commercial 'spies, it is ‘pastry’ in the sense of being a marginally edible box containing pie filling.
Satan’s Dandruff / granular sugar makes its accursed appearance on top, of course, to remind us that god hates us and wants us to be unhappy.
Inside, lurks a generic sticky brown substance that is alleged to be ‘mince’. It is sweet, and does have vague fruit flavours, though spice is scarcely tangible.
tl;dr - nothing to offend, nothing to bring joy.
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I’m rapidly forming the opinion: “If it comes in a silver hat, it’s shat.”
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Wisdom.
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Not always.
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…or mad
Or both
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Still too early for me
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This one was a little more brown than the others.
Cost: exactly what I guessed they would 
Conclusion: bought four, may have to claim to the wife that they’d sold out.
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St John?
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Cunt.
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