Teenage daughter caught shoplifting

Obviously I have no idea about kids but I do know that the nieces grew up on Instagram during covid and make up is very important and I don’t think it has anything to do with boys or men :man_shrugging:

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Sure you’re right - there are 105 year old Japanese infantrymen hiding in the jungles of Borneo that know more about the priorities of teenagers than I do - but the ‘love yerself - don’t paint yerself’ message seemed worth a pop…

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Tea leafing is fine it’s the getting caught.

That stays

Wouldn’t decide on what to do without initially having an open and honest chat about what led to this.

Buy yourself some time by giving her a good listening to, and don’t make any snap decisions, say you’ll have to give what she has said some thought before deciding what to do.

I wouldn’t be doing anything definite unless Mrs Craig is home and has had a chance to contribute.

This. Play for time until you are sure you know what you both want to do.

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Carelessly posted this in the wrong thread a couple of hours ago:

When my brother-in-law was a kid (possibly pre-teen) he once helped himself to money from his mum’s purse. She found out and took him out into the garden for a word. But before she could start talking to him about it she began to weep. It hit him so hard that he was on the straight and narrow forever thereafter. He told the story, weeping himself, in the church at her funeral, nearly forty years later.


There are plenty of videos on YouTube showing how to reduce the risk of getting caught. Perhaps you could watch those together and discuss the varying techniques.
Maybe get some pizza in and some ket and have a proper father-daughter night in.


How are things this morning?

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Veg needs moar rotten :joy:

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When I was suspended from school for being chemically inconvenienced, I will freely admit that my Mother crying had more of an effect than the mechanics of being suspended. I’d love to say it put me on the straight and narrow from then on but I’m afraid it took a bit more idiocy (albeit idiocy that had no effect on my parents) before I reached that point.


Having listened and gained some understanding of her motivations determining the appropriate consequence between you and your wife and sticking with it is the ongoing fun here. This could be anything from showing her more attention, getting her some help to removal of freedoms and privileges. it’s going to depend on what motivated the action and how she made it right to herself to go through with it?

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I have a long list of things that I appropriated in my teenage years which I’m neither proud of or willing to repeat here (see me at Lopwell), but which was pretty much thrill seeking in motivation and a passing phase which when it rans its course ended not only my crime wave but also any desire to do anything like that again.

Which informs my humble suggestion to spend time getting the bottom of the ‘why’ rather than focusing on the ‘what’.

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£250! Unless she’s filled a carrier bag it sounds like at least she’s gone for the decent stuff. :grin:
I have a 12 year old daughter, it seems a lot more complicated for girls than boys. Hopefully the shock of getting caught stops it in its tracks. I think I’d only involve school or others if it turned out it wasn’t the first time.

Was she doing it on her own,or with others?

My only advice would be to resolve it as a family and involve neither the school nor the police. Cant see the point in her getting a reputation with others that will stick with her like mud.


Nightmare, with girls of a similar age I feel for you.

Couple of things spring to mind.

I heard some professional advice recently that struck a cord. Particularly with girls there’s little point in going to their room sitting them down and having ‘a conversation’. Switched off, in one ear out the other… thinking back to my childhood it was certainly the case for me. The suggestion was better to find a neutral place like the car where there’s no exit and try to make ‘the conversation’ a two way exercise. Unknowingly it’s where I’ve tended to talk to my eldest and definitely more of a dialogue than at home.

I’ve read a high proportion of kids go through a phase of testing the water like this, the vast majority grow out of it. Hopefully the shock of getting caught will give pause for thought of the consequences.

My sister did something similar at the same sort of age, many years ago! Mum took her down to the shop and had her apologise. As far as I know she never did it again.

Do you think she might be being groomed, or nicking stuff to sell for drugs?
If you are quick you could get her adopted while the wife is away. Less hassle and cheaper in the long run. Maybe get a dog. They seem sort of alright.


It’s done just for the adrenaline rush,and bragging rights with peers, rather than the intrinsic desire for, or value of, the actual items being stolen.

Just explain she has brought dishonour to the family and behead her. :smiling_imp:


Sorry it’s taken me a while to get back to all the lovely replies.

I’ve been busy digging up the back garden, obvs

So,the daughter is really rather shocked and chastened by the experience

We’ve had some long talks about the why’s and the why nots, and tried to get an idea of why the actual fuck she did it.

It’s been explained that while we love her to bits, trust is now at rock bottom and needs rebuilding. While there’s been a lot of honesty from her side, I don’t think we are 100% there.

There came an admission (during the waterboarding) that it has happened once before, so I required her to provide me all the stuff that had knicked on the previous occasion.

Either she’s not telling the truth, or she’s the teenage Danny Oceon: there was a small shoebox full of stuff. FML

While I’ve underlined that she almost certainly can’t get into any more shit than she already is, I think she’s backed herself into a corner and can’t / won’t admit that it was more than these two occasions: I remember stealing a twix and sweating about a litre within 30 seconds, so the concept that her first foray into theft was a similar heist to this weeks is barely plausible.

I’ll be bloody glad when mrs Craig is back from the US, and we can team up on the matter. despite genuine anger and frustration, we’re focussing on our disappointment and sadness, not least because it’s the truth.

Thanks ever so much for all the replies: they’ve been genuinely helpful. Mumsnet’s got fuck all on you lot

To answer a few of the questions:

she was with a friend (who knicked 200 quid’s worth. The lightweight!)
we won’t be involving the school (she’s changing in the summer anyway) or the 5-0
she’s had her savings account raided to pay for the first tranche, her pocket money is stopped and there’s a list of (additional) jobs that need doing so as to have a bit of pocket-money for lucnhtimes, etc