You just point and hit CTRL-ALT-DELETE to incapacitate.
Other more fatal shortcuts are available.
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@Wayward hnnnnnnnggghhhhh!
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And miss-out on the visceral pleasure of killing another (sub)human being with your bare hands? 
In all seriousness - if you do keep something for self-defense, make it something that youâd (arguably) naturally have nearby. I keep my favourite twatting-stick in the bedroom - passes nicely for a heavyweight walking stick, which a fat, clapped-out cunt like me would naturally needâŚ
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Shush, I need them for defence, not because they make me feel all macho and go blam blam.
Hence my baseball bat, my hydraulics job is just a clever cover for my major league baseball career.
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god help anyone that breaks into your place with a loon like you ready to go postal with your Joe DiMaggio âSluggerâ in hand⌠
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I donât have anything, Iâd likely just sleep through it. Maxwell the vicious attack dog will protect us though.
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Auto correct really hates vicious.
Iâd probably totally miss the intruder and smash our own house up 
And the âNo Shit, Sherlockâ award goes toâŚ
Public Health England (PHE) has suggested a link between areas of social deprivation and drug misuse.
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That wonât work unless the eye of the needle is big enough and if you canât thread a needle with an eye that big, you should perhaps do something else. 
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When I was a yoot in 70s Bournemouth, the big-siddy smack-heads started moving-in on the basis you may as well be on the dole and on the rob somewhere the weatherâs nice and the (elderly) populationâs easy-pickings. Imagine that phenomenon still playing a part in coastal towns.
Last summer I had to spend some time in Margate and as you walk out of town along the sea front the number of used syringes we found along the beach were astonishing
This is true. I remember Brighton was a tad bad in the 80s. And Hastings in the 90s when, I think, it was used as a dumping ground for the London overspill of homeless peoples
If it happened as reported the arrest of the pensioner is scandalous. Two men break into your house at night, your elderly and petrified. One threatens you with a screwdriver, struggle ensues and fortunately the right person gets stabbed. How is that not self defence? The pensioner should get a medal. I fucking hate criminals and esp burglars.
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There was no need to arrest him. Invite him to the station as a volunteer and interview him on tape under caution.
Itâs the law.
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Err⌠He did stab someone to death.
Its right and proper to investigate fully and in the first instance make an arrest.
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