Useless facts drummed into you at school

These are nearly all related to local historical acheivements and the like that were repeated ad infinitum by your history master…

I grew up in Widnes, a town of little note, but one of it’s claims to tenuous fame is that one end of a bridge, that used to be the longest of its type in Europe, was anchored there:

that sex is dangerous

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You could catch VD from toilet seats.


You’re supposed to put your balls in too.


probably true in Oz. Mind you im sure you were more worried about spiders when you sat down.




No, they have to be proper facts. And useless ones. If the bog seat one is true then technically, it’s useful…

This. Sooooo much this.

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in where, her mouth? well that is what the maths teacher taught me.


Facts, man, facts.

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Mr Smith ?

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Just saw that you had specified gender, thus nullifying my gag.

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that fucking your girlfriend over a table in the maths department was an offense you’d both get suspended for - yes we got caught - we were in 6th form.

oh and throwing a stash of porno mags out of the window to try and stop the RE teacher from getting at your revision materials - 4th year got suspended - and was warned I’d go blind looking at such things - not true, short sighted maybe, blind no

Not a fact, so invalid for the thread. No one ever went blind, or even astigmatic looking at wank mags, no matter how hard they squinted as they reached the vinegar strokes.

Really, Simon, you’re the fucking acting Dean of a proper Uni, and you might well have passed your audition so you can be the real one, if you can’t understand the meaning of the word “fact” I really do despair…:wink:


i before e except after c

It is bollocks

actually i’m acting - i’ve got to apply for my own job!

if you look at the alcohol thread you might see why delusions are setting in…3 double gin Gibsons, 1 G&T and 3 shpts

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I really do admire your application in that thread, you are an inspiration to us mere beer monsters.

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Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain

Anoher stupid mnemonic that is taking up space in my head, I will never forget, and have never used.

we are pondering joining our neighbours in the pub - Louise tells me id better put some clothes on first

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You MUST turn up every day.

I didn’t.

Didn’t seem to matter when I left at 15.