You do realise chisels aren’t levers…
Fucking accountants 
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Our lav comes close to one of these nearly every time I use it…
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More like a ceramic Apocalypse
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Weather based hyperbole, and the fuckers that spread it.
Just a brief listen to weather on the local BBC station and the ‘presenter’ banging on about a ‘serious snow event’.
EVENT??? Only a matter of time before weather-bomb is deployed.
Wear a bobble-hat you fuckers.
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Small scattering of snow in Cheshire, the dogs seem unimpressed. My last lab used to eat it and make himself sick.
What were you making in there?
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The kids can have one. Sam opened his Advent Calendar this morning and the chocolate was missing, instead of blaming poor production techniques and quality control they both immediately pointed at and blamed me!
What have I ever done to deserve that?!
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You have history with chocolate.
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Give a dog a bad name…
Yes, YOU !! 
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It’s got so bad you are now taking the chocolate from your kids. Time to seek help Rob.
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But it wasn’t me, it really really wasn’t, honest…
me thinks you do protest to much
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It was that naughty Elf on the shelf setting you up Rob.
I’m glad someone believes me and has come up with a credible alternative culprit.
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It was the kids, blaming you is so easy, even you end up believing it.
Sneakey kids, top marks all round.
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Cockpunches all round to any cunts who try and fucking find solutions to my problems today. I Just Want To Fucking moan, ok?!
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I’d have some nice camomile tea for that, you will feel much calmer.
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