Off to Amsterdam over the Easter weekend Sat-Tues with my wife and two youngest sprogs, 11 and 14.
We booked up canal boat ride and cycle tour plus visit to Reichmuseeum which is fine but haven’t been for a while so any recommendations welcome especially for eateries, bars and other good stuff to do (maybe not prozzies and drugs given the kids and wife angle).
Onzelieveheeropzolder is quite good if you like that sort of thing. Van Gogh is good. Indonesian food is mostly excellent. Tujuh Maret was decent value.
Pint in the Old Sailor, and sitting outside on Leidseplein if the weather is alright.
If you like a steak the Cafe se Klos is amazing. for ribs and ribeyes. Gets busy though.
I’m guessing the smoke boat is out but if you do get time for a solo stint then Waxwell records behind the Palace is worth a visit, a couple of others nearby too.
If you are there a while then some off the long standing markets will open, just on the streets in between the radial canal network. Cheese, there is one just for cheese 
Don’t smoke White Widow.
Maybe skip the old sailor if young kids.
The Foodhallen in an old team shed is alright if you are in that part of town.
Brodje kroket from Febo is a must.
If drinking on Leidseplein get bitterballen to go with.
Accross the canal from the back of the train station is a cool building with a big swing on top.
The Van Gogh museum is better than the Rijksmuseum, unless you particularly like the whole Dutch masters thing. There are lots of them, I’m sure they’re very good, but they’re of a time. Whereas Van Gogh is fricking amazing.
De Bijenkorf for department store shopping. Very good food court on the top floor IIRC.
Well. Those kids gonna learn some stuff I guess
We’ve all been there…
Two joints then went to see the Blair Witch Project in the cinema.
Defo Van Gogh museum, I’d wandered round many a museum by then, but that was the one that truly opened my eyes to art.
I’d been on the white widow right enough so take from that what you will.
…and a short walk to the Vliegenbos campsite.
Many braincells despatched there. 
The bubonic over there is another level
Amsterdam…beware of pickpockets…
After Venice, the most crowded tourist place I know of.
Febo is indeed the most famous Dutch fast food chain.
As far as kroket (sing) / kroketten (plur) go, there are two camps: Van Dobben and Kwekkeboom.
The classic is a ‘broodje kroket’ which is served in a cheap (slightly soggy) bun.
The original shop of Kwekkeboom I knew in the city doesn’t exist any longer, closest is now in the Ferdinand Bolstraat 119. They are also famous as patisserie. Close to Albert Cuyp market.
The shop of Van Dobben is in the centre, as a sandwich shop only. Everything but fancy, but very authentic with staff from Amsterdam as I could hear from their accent. Korte Reguliersdwarsstraat 5-7-9.
https://www.eetsalonvandobben.nl/
For dinner, Kam Yin is my go-to place. Indonesian/Surinam style food. Fast and friendly personnel and very reasonable prices, especially when you’re in the centre of Amsterdam.
The classic to me is red colored roasted pork (Cha sieuw / Tja siew), with thin fried noodles (Tjauw min).
For drinks, try mogu-mogu lychee (coconut chunks inside).
Their address is Warmoesstraat 6, but take the entrance around the corner at Nieuwebrugsteeg.
I find that area of the restaurant the cosiest (LH side after entering).
Somewhat famous and also pricier than Kam Yin is Nam Kee on the Zeedijk 111-113.
I haven’t been there for decades, come to think of it, I should revisit again.
They’re across the Chinese temple (closed when I was there a few weeks ago, not sure if you could visit it.)
Maybe the best museum suggestion for you is Nemo. Unfortunately never went myself, but I only hear enthusiastic feedback from friends. It’s a science museum, but also pointed at kids.
Other museums depend on your taste. The classics at the Museumplein (museum square) are the Rijksmuseum, van Gogh Museum and Stedelijk Museum.
I have visited them all over 30 years ago, so have no recent experience. Van Gogh is my absolute favorite and I was quite fond of the Stedelijk, as they have quite a modern art collection.
An interesting choice would be the Allard Pierson museum, but I guess not too interesting for kids.
Close to the Chinese restaurants you have Henk Comics.
Quite interesting when you’re into that thing, our eldest is interested in Funko Pops, sigh.
You’re not into CDs and LPs, are you? Really?
If you’re into that silly stuff, try Concerto in the Utrechtsestraat 52-60.
Wife and kids can have a decent coffee and hot chocolate with whipped cream there.
Check opening hours under ‘contact’. Closed on Easter Sunday.
Somewhat outside the city centre is the Albert Cuyp market.
I don’t like markets myself, but many tourists go there.
This area is called De Pijp, don’t know why it’s famous, looks like classic Amsterdam from the 70’s if you think away those darn tourists.
By the way, did I mention pickpockets? They seem to like the market too.
Some (clothing?) shops have student discounts. Let the kids take the school ID card with them, our girls (14 and 18) managed to get some 10% somewhere on their purchase. And BTW, many shop staff are foreign students, which makes English the standard language.
Anyway, enough to see and do, have fun!
PS
Regarding museums:
in NL you have the Museumkaart, which gives you access to 450 museums and is valid for one year. If you’re living in NL it’s easiest, as they send you the physical card in 5 days. You can buy at the museum, but there are restrictions, like a limitation to visiting 5 museums, where buying the card itself counts as one, even if you don’t visit the museum where you buy the card. All details here:
If you want a break from the city, try a stroll in the Vondelpark, close the the Concert hall and high fashion streets PC Hooftstraat and van Baerle straat.
Edit: typos corrected and museum info added.
FTFY
You heathen, go see both. Rembrandt self portrait in the Riks is worth it on its own.
Birds Thai restaurant was the best Thai I’ve had outside Thailand. Superb, especially the satay. The munchies might have helped a bit, but it was top notch.
Burger Bar burgers were excellent too.
Stay off the space cake.
Blimey thanks Rudy - better than Time Out! And thanks to the rest of you - feel I should be going for 3 weeks now rather than 3 days 
Will report back 
You need to book the museums, you can’t just pitch up (and expect to get in!)