Mastication is a joy. When I had my face re-arranged a while ago, all I could eat was soup and mush various for about 3 months afterwards. That put me off anything that isn’t chewable for life.
Mashed Bakewell and cream is the sort of crap you will eat when you are in a nursing home in a few years, best avoided until then. 
Boundaries must be pushed and conformity be damned. What say ye to a sweet apricot jam instead of standard raspberry?
No!
And so it begins. Just fuck off with your exotic flights of fancy.
You all said a brown ceiling wouldn’t work…
Innovate dont imitate.
Says the man who denounced the very idea of a chocolate trifle.
Gateax. Some lines shouldnt be blurred.
Gateaux.
Funnily enough the recipe I’m looking at specifies Raspberry jam which does seem right.
Apricot jam is indicative of a man who has too many foreign holidays.
If I can dig out out some blind baking beans, I may try to make one tomorrow.
I don’t know if that is even how you would bake the base. I’m working on pure instinct here.
it’s the only way to bake. Eyes closed, full Zen.
I tried that once… 
It involves using your nose as well. 
I give fair warning, those of a nervous disposition look away now…
Un-iced squares of disappointment.
I went to Bakewell once. I tried a traditional tart. I was disappointed. No icing. No cherry.
Cheap, iced and with a glacé cherry are the only requirements.
They are so ashamed of them they can’t quite bring themselves to call them Bakewell.
Heston should be held to account for his perversions
I agree. But Bakwell vodka. 
I have some of the real stuff and it very much tastes like bakewell:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Soplica-Cherry-Vodka-50cl/dp/B0146HORC4/ref=sr_1_4
But Heston’s has added cat. The cat make me lol. I can’t stop lol-ing at the fucking cat’s expression. 
that cat reminds me of Marley - although he is still in training to become my butler and deliver cherry bakewell tarts on a silver platter
The expression has me also, but the state of those collars. 
