Fortunately, Uncle still has a complete set of marbles. This is a double edged sword though - he thinks he knows everything that is right for him, and isn’t afraid of saying so. Often shouting at Ann when (he thinks) she’s not doing things correctly or quickly enough…
It sounds as if he is at that difficult time where a nursing home is needed, but he doesn’t want to go into one. You have my sympathy.
With my mum it was a three month stay in hospital after breaking her arm badly in a fall that provided a gap between being cared for at home and entry to the nursing home. I think that without the gap away from home we’d have had much more difficulty in getting her to accept the nursing home. She was in hospital as long as she was because the dementia wing for the chosen care home was running late in construction, and luckily for us the wonderful ward sister stood up to the hospital accountants on our behalf until the move could take place.
Have you looked at nursing homes around the area?
Until then, as others have said, seek help from the relevant charities. They helped us quite a lot.
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Nursing home ASAP, your relationships will all deteriorate massively if he stays with you.
Find out about the local ones, this will make visiting much easier.
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Now that you have taken him away from hospital I suspect he is much less of a social services priority.
Are you planning on having him to stay long term?
I suspect so too. However well-meaning individual soc serv people might be, their system pressures them to find ‘solutions’. Unless you really want to be the solution, Jim, then you need to make it clear to them that your care for uncle can’t be more than very short term indeed. And that after 10 days of unsupported care-giving on your part you’re in need of at least a few days of respite care for him immediately.
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I sincerely hope not Mark. There are places far better equipped than here and professionals far better trained than us. Besides, as Adam says we’d go nuts before too long. 
Is there not a way of him insisting on living at his own place so that social services have to deal with the issue?
Sounds a bit mean spirited from me but it would get him up the priority list.
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Having recently gone through this, get him into a Care home ASAP. If he has assets he will have to use them to pay for his keep, assume a minimum of £4K per month and that’s for the bare minimum.
Of course that £4k could be used instead to help pay for carers at your own home if you don’t want him in a Care Home.
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From what Jim has told us so far , and If I may say , that doesn’t seem like a workable plan as per @AmDismal ‘s consideration
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This is pretty much as I understand it - been through similar with my mother, but she had long since given away all of her assets to scammers, so it’s on Social Services to house her.
You are probably going to have to “pile-on the agony” with the SS - insist neither you nor Ann are well-enough yourselves to care for the old guy, and that your house is also thoroughly unsuitable and that he is consequently at-risk. Don’t hesitate to escalate your concerns - it’s the chick that cheeps the loudest that gets the worms…
Good luck mate.
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social services dealt with Louise’s mother, she had no assets - we found a home the council were happy to pay for and she was happy with…you need to go see the facilities to get a feel for the vibe. The one we found had a nice vibe with a pet cat and a bar (stopped the MiL) hiding the vodka in the bed) and were willing to give her a ground floor room so she could go outside on to “her terrace” for a fag.
We saw two (maybe three) that were terrible.
In the end she stayed for about 7 months, living longer than anyone predicted - even the hospice kicked her out as she wasn’t ready to die.
You and Ann have my deepest sympathies, that need to try and care for ones we love is soon tempered by the reality. As others have said, nursing home. I know when my mum went into one not all the costs fell to social services as her care was largely medical rather than"hotel", dont know if that distinction still exists.
Removing him from the hospital will, I suspect, have placed you at the bottom of an increasingly long queue. Don’t be afraid to play the system, a 999 call will readily see him back on a ward if it all gets too much for you before you find a nursing home
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If he is still deemed ok to make his own choices and deemed to have capacity there is no reason why he can’t stay where he wants to and you can’t really get him in to a home if he says “no”.
He should only be discharged from hospital if he has some where safe to go and the relevant care plan in place and any equipment needed, hospital bed, commode, hoists, etc… should have been put in place after an assessment, and if he couldn’t go to his home then that includes your home if he was going to stay there.
I go to several people living in very large houses with 5+ bedrooms who basically now live in their front room and never leave it, so steps, etc… don’t make any difference to where they can live IF it’s their choice and they are deemed to have capacity.
It seems that after an assessment of where he lives and his own day to day requirements that no care package has been put in place, then that sounds a little negligent to me.
As for the position you are in at the moment, until social services get involved and get a proper occupational therapist assessment then you can still go and get a private care package set up if the gentleman has the funds and is willing to accept carers to help him. You can do this by contacting any care provider who takes on private care in the home, but it may prove expensive.
No matter what, you need care of some kind before it kicks off between the pair of you and the stress shows, which it will, and things get worse, which it probably will. Also if he is doubly incontinent then you need all the pads for him and subsequent barrier creams and care to make sure he doesn’t end up with sores and other nasties so you will need some proper form of care in the interim.
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Jim you have my sympathy - It’s tough having to deal with this, it shouldn’t be your problem. I expect Hospitals are in a particularly difficult position short of staff and beds in the middle/start of C19. I thought that a care package being organised was a pre requisite of being discharged?
We went through the care home pain with my Dad but he did actually realise that my Mum couldn’t manage him at home. He went from the Hospital direct to the Care home once we had signed up to a bunch of T&C’s and they trousered six weeks of advance fees.
Jim we all know that you are very resourceful, personally I think you already know that you need to be very tough on both Uncle and the SS to help protect Ann and your direct family. Carers ASAP and Care home. Also when he is rude to Ann perhaps you should remind him what’s happening?
To Bob’s point about an emergency call resort- That’s exactly what my brother and Dad conspired.
Best wishes to you all
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Sorry to hear Jim, it’s tough
I went through some of this with my mum in law, she was desperate to go home and by being the squeakiest wheel I ended up with a great service but it was hard work and I had to put some serious hours in
Looks like your guy is destined fir a home as his place isn’t fit for adaptation, they will only let him stay home if it’s safe
If by some chance they change their mind then tips from me include:
Make sure you know what you are willing to do and explain it clearly, we both work so said we can’t have her at our house and we could only do minimal visits
Find a recommendation re care providers, we started with a Crap one then switched to a local firm who helped us navigate how much help we could get paid for and stretched the contribution we had to make sure the full day was covered
Charities like dougie Mac can be really helpful in getting things like beds sorted but we also have a couple of local charities who do overnight sits
You will be tearing your hair out, cursing the system and hating the sound of your mobile phone but once it settles down it’s very bearable. She is getting better nearly 2 years down the line now and still in her own home so well worth the shag and hassle. We know she would have given up had we popped her into a home but everyone is different
Hope you find a way that works for you and Anne but don’t feel guilty and be pragmatic about what you can do to help, with your pm background arranging others to care will be more effective than trying to do it yourself if you are anything like me
All that said I spent 4 nights a week sleeping over with her and had the family on a rota whilst we fought to get her the support she needed
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In my step-dad’s case the locum GP who we called out was in on the conspiracy too. It was the middle of the night. He took one look at my step-dad (who seemed to me to have been having seizures) and at my mum (who was on her last legs with fatigue) and diagnosed ‘suspected pneumonia’. Even I could see there was no sign of pneumonia. But it got the ambulance to the front door in no time and my step-dad into the hands of professionals.
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Thanks everyone for the sympathy, advice and suggestions. Ann, after reading the thread came over all teary - said they’re a good bunch of lads your mates on there.
After I had put her straight on that one 
we started talking about what will happen on Tuesday.
The first priority is getting some help, so I’ll be talking with the SS to see what they can provide.
The next thing is to ascertain what assets Uncle has - he owns the bungalow but it’s shot so would cost more to refurbish than demolish/rebuild, but it is on quite a big chunk of land - maybe 2-3 acres, so we’ll need to get a estimated value for it.
Then call his lawyers to see about the power of attorney.
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All the best to you both, never an easy thing.
Have to say, love his house. 
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Never take SS first answer or the first person you speak to as gospel. As said above you will have to be vocal and bordering on a nuisance (while still being lovely and polite), but they will help.
Age UK can be incredibly helpful too.
Oh and as you said, if you can get power of attorney everything will speed up tenfold
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That’ll be well worth sorting out ASAP especially if the land is to be sold.
My Aunt was diagnosed with vascular dementia back end of last year, came on suddenly, her son (my cousin) had to go to move very quickly to get LPA so he could manage her affairs and get her into a home.
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