I went through some of this with my mum in law, she was desperate to go home and by being the squeakiest wheel I ended up with a great service but it was hard work and I had to put some serious hours in
Looks like your guy is destined fir a home as his place isn’t fit for adaptation, they will only let him stay home if it’s safe
If by some chance they change their mind then tips from me include:
Make sure you know what you are willing to do and explain it clearly, we both work so said we can’t have her at our house and we could only do minimal visits
Find a recommendation re care providers, we started with a Crap one then switched to a local firm who helped us navigate how much help we could get paid for and stretched the contribution we had to make sure the full day was covered
Charities like dougie Mac can be really helpful in getting things like beds sorted but we also have a couple of local charities who do overnight sits
You will be tearing your hair out, cursing the system and hating the sound of your mobile phone but once it settles down it’s very bearable. She is getting better nearly 2 years down the line now and still in her own home so well worth the shag and hassle. We know she would have given up had we popped her into a home but everyone is different
Hope you find a way that works for you and Anne but don’t feel guilty and be pragmatic about what you can do to help, with your pm background arranging others to care will be more effective than trying to do it yourself if you are anything like me
All that said I spent 4 nights a week sleeping over with her and had the family on a rota whilst we fought to get her the support she needed
In my step-dad’s case the locum GP who we called out was in on the conspiracy too. It was the middle of the night. He took one look at my step-dad (who seemed to me to have been having seizures) and at my mum (who was on her last legs with fatigue) and diagnosed ‘suspected pneumonia’. Even I could see there was no sign of pneumonia. But it got the ambulance to the front door in no time and my step-dad into the hands of professionals.
Thanks everyone for the sympathy, advice and suggestions. Ann, after reading the thread came over all teary - said they’re a good bunch of lads your mates on there.
After I had put her straight on that one we started talking about what will happen on Tuesday.
The first priority is getting some help, so I’ll be talking with the SS to see what they can provide.
The next thing is to ascertain what assets Uncle has - he owns the bungalow but it’s shot so would cost more to refurbish than demolish/rebuild, but it is on quite a big chunk of land - maybe 2-3 acres, so we’ll need to get a estimated value for it.
Then call his lawyers to see about the power of attorney.
Never take SS first answer or the first person you speak to as gospel. As said above you will have to be vocal and bordering on a nuisance (while still being lovely and polite), but they will help.
Age UK can be incredibly helpful too.
Oh and as you said, if you can get power of attorney everything will speed up tenfold
That’ll be well worth sorting out ASAP especially if the land is to be sold.
My Aunt was diagnosed with vascular dementia back end of last year, came on suddenly, her son (my cousin) had to go to move very quickly to get LPA so he could manage her affairs and get her into a home.
There is some great advice on here Jim.
You will neeed to talk to Uncle about POA especially if he has all his marbles.
He has to give his consent and no lawyer will set it up without it.
A solicitor can set it up for you but you can do it yourself, it is not difficult. Although a solicitor might be useful to explain to Uncle what it is about and why it will be needed
Ann (With you as equal or secondary) needs to have the POA.
Make sure you get both POAs (Financial and wellbeing) .
Also remember that a POA cannot be enacted if Uncle is capable of making decisions for himself, but needs to be set up while he does.
I set these up for both my parents and happy to talk you through it if you want.
My very best wishes to you and Ann, these issues can be extremely difficult for all involved
Indeed.
I had to provide a copy of the POA for my father to a care home before they would take him for a pre-paid 2 week respite stay and we were not looking to admit him permamantly.
Can’t add anything to the advice above Jim but wishing you and Ann all the best with SS and above all look after each other and try to keep the stresses of the situation as manageable as possible.
Forgot to say it’s well worth a chat with unc about dnr to make sure you understand what he wants and that the hospital/ambulance guys follow his wishes
we started talking about what will happen on Tuesday.
