Claire can’t spell “Raisins” she spells it “Raisons”. So whenever she writes it on the shopping list pad thingy on the fridge, I always add " d’etre"
On Tuesday I had to do some van checks, tyre depth, oil level, mileage etc. This was very boring, so to amuse myself, on the 20 vans I checked I tuned all the radio presets to Radio 4.
Some years ago there was an advert in the local paper “selection of jam jars for sale,no lids hence 10p each” at work we tried to think of something worse to put in the ads,we came up with"30 dog ends for sale,pre broken, nearly quarter ounce in total,pick up only"got halfway through telling the ad to the sales lady,but couldn’t carry on through laughing.
I managed to call (from work, with a room full of people) about an ad asking for a nude female model without laughing. Phoned up and spoke in my normal voice. She told me that the ad was specifically for a female model. I answered, in my normal voice, that I was female. The awkward stuttering and floundering was hilarious but I managed not to laugh. She asked when would suit me for an interview. I suggested Tuesday since “I was usually naked then anyway” and asked if I should just turn up naked.
When I did a telesales job before uni, Fife was fucking terrible for some reason for men that sounded like women and women that sounded like men, so I had been on the receiving end of this numerous times- unless Fife was playing the same joke on me.
Childish shit I do? Where to begin…
I once took a normal 2.25 ltr plastic milk bottle and ran white paint around the inside. Let it dry, then filled it with water and put it in the fridge at work…
I was sick of there never being any milk left at work when I wanted a cuppa, and no one else would go to the shop…
There were some very puzzled looks and comments. 
I didn’t go to the shop after that for milk, they got the message the lazy bastards.
I hide behind doors and go BOO. The wife and children hate it.
That is perfectly reasonable modern parenting and not childish at all 
Yeah but it’s not his wife and children he goes boo to.
I still drink just as much wine a day as I did at my eldest sisters wedding when I was 11.
I have a friend who is a total clean freak.
I enjoy leaving small amounts of strategically placed Bombay Mix in her shoes and pockets and under ornaments.
You shouldn’t have access to her under ornaments.
Whilst at school i signed up my very left wing friend to the young conservatives, he’s still fuming about it 30 years later 
Bombay Mix is the work of the devil. Nasty stuff.
When we used to find local newspapers under carpets a few years back I used to go through the ads,was so tempted to ring some to see if the sofa from 1971 was still for sale
Oh ye of little taste.
Signing with a nice cock and balls on delivery drivers tablets.
Doesnt that just leave a smear on the screen?
If I’m feeling particularly artistic, sure.
Wearing a nappy.
We are currently cooking duck for dinner which leads to the normal exchange.
“Now we score the duck.”
“What does it get?”
“About 8 out of 10.”