Looks like it is in move in condition to me?
If you are after extra funding make sure you build a spire before calling out the pompiers.
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its very exciting , i have done quite a few projects now but none anywhere near as big as yours
OK then. This is after the plumber:
Plumbers are cunts.
This is after the roofer 
Lovely leak. The ceiling had been replastered by the time we discovered the leaky roof. Roofers are cunts.
This is after the builder:
Builders are usually on holidays the cunts! Theyâre even more fucking annoying when they are on site though.
And donât talk to me about fucking plasterers
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Have you had some work done?
You should have said.
Donât you start. You probably have bucket envy after seeing my rooferâs nice clean receptacle (oooh-errrr).
weird, it doesnât look finished? Have you started again?
Yes. That is why I am so fucking cheerful at the moment.
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Make sure you get it well insured before you get French builders in
yes plasterers drive me nuts sometimes , had one 2 years ago who kept promising to come and i would stay out of the house and then he said he hadn`t done it. then i had to clear up all his huge mess
i am fortunate in having a superb gas man/plumber , he is incredibly tidy and precise . finding good people is hard and i am very sad becuase my ocd kitchen/bathroom man is retiring this month . he was slow but oh my gosh he was thorough
You could always forbid them to smoke on the job as well. Thus ensuring it doesnât go up in smoke.
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For bits & pieces (temporary furniture, appliances etc.) leboncoin.fr is great - weâve bought loads from there over the years. Amazing what you can find 20 mins drive away.
We renovated a house in France 17 years ago & built one 10 years ago so if youâve got any questions Iâm happy to share what I can remember. Although a lot of wine has been consumed in the meantime so memory is not what it wasâŚ
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If you have a problem, if no one else can helpâŚCall the AA team.
They will come to your rescue: eat all your food, complain about your VTA, disagree about all things before making you wear a cape and call you you a cunt whilst getting offended and outraged in your local boulangerie .
This is the way of things.
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Make friends with Mr Bricolage
That has all the makings of a TV franchise format.
Each week a brigade of middle aged fat blokes pitch up to turn a major problem into a proper catastrophe.
Less âDIY SOSâ, more âDIY bunch of cuntsâ.
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I think it used to be called Last of the Summer Wine.
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Iâm sure the complete absence of a record player here wonât stop that either 
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Nope, got nothing to do with it.
I imagine the fourth or fifth conflagration barbecue will lead to steps being taken by the Gendarmes. Not to mention the fact that @cocoâs speed demon tendencies wonât help getting Jon off the list marked âKnown to Associate with Undesirablesâ.