I dont know if im asking for answers or just venting.
March '22 Mrs P was diagnosed with bowel cancer, stage 4. Things got bad fairly quickly when the tumour perforated her bowel. She also reacted to chemo and became quite seriously unwell. Bad enough for the Drs to tell me to prepare for the worse.
December she had surgery to remove the tumour after chemohad shrunk it. All seemed very positive. Then a scan in February showed it was back and had spread to lungs and lymph system. Also the cancer has a BRAF mutation, this went direct to a terminal prognosis.
She is now receiving targetted therapy which has so far halted the spread. Unfortunately the side effects are debilitating, osteoporosis of her spine has caused 7 vertebrae to crumble and require surgey. She suffers high levels of pain in her joints, to the point she cant open a door or take a lid off a bottle.
Throughout this i have been working from home which has meant i can provide support and care, its also been an emotional comfort blanket for me to be able to spend time with her. We dont know how much of that time we have.
3 weeks ago my employer told the company we must return to the office a minimum of 3 days per week but there would be exceptions.
Today i have been told my circumstances do not amount to an exception and i should arrange alternative care for Mrs P. Quite what would make an exception is beyond me.
My anxiety and stress levels have rocketed in the last few weeks. Sleep is difficult and i have very little motivation. I really do not know what to do.
I am looking for remote work, tho i had really thought id be with this company a lot longer, its a good package and up to now had been great work.
I really just want to be with Mrs P, i feel confused and very upset.
Have there been any issues with your work up until now?
Has your employer had any cause to say the quality of your work has declined whilst WFH?
If the answer is no then I’d be asking for a review of your case. It certainly does sound very callous of them to behave in this way.
I sincerely hope your employer sees sense at a time you need help and understanding the most.
Firstly, really feel for you and what you are both having to go through.
Who told you this, what guidelines are they using to assess your circumstances and what are they using to define exceptional circumstances?
Next is there a right of appeal, and/ or could you request a meeting with HR to set out your difficult circumstances and get some clarity on the rules, what constitutes what, is there compassionate leave arrangements etc.
Based on what kind of response you get then you can judge whether getting signed off sick would be appropriate or not.
My line manager informed me, after discussing with head of dept.
No idea what guidelines are used, the whole shit show has been mishandled, line managers have been given very little info. Just get back to the office.
I can imagine exactly how you feel Andy. You have my every sympathy.
I haven’t had first-hand experience this time around but twelve years ago, when we were all still working, my siblings and I had to share the caring for the 18 months that my mum lived with cancer. We were in touch quite a bit with Macmillan Cancer Support and there’s also Maggie’s now too. They will have had a good deal of experience of cases like yours and might be able to help.
It does sound like they’re being unreasonable - I.e. the bar for exceptions is so high that in practice there aren’t any.
My first instinct, as others have pointed out, is to go sick for stress reasons. It’d be hard for them to argue that they have not put you in a situation which has caused this.
I would also go with sick notes because of stress / mental health reasons. I would also be looking for another job as I wouldn’t want to work with such a bunch of uncaring CNUTS.
Christ Andy, that is an awful set of circumstances. I would get some advice if I were you and perhaps do as others have suggested and get yourself signed off by the Doctor.