Listen up kid, there ain’t no such thing as Santa (Dadsnet alert)

So our daughter is 8, and has reached (or past ) the age where the number is up on Santa

Her questions last year were more forensic than a session with Atticus Finch, but this year there’s been very little mentioned thus far.

So I assume she knows but doesn’t know what to say or how to broach it (fair enough), and so I need to fix that before we get too deep into December

Any tips from the parent-wing of the Abatoir?

Disregard questions but keep giving pillowcase full of small gifts. Continue until she leaves home.


I still believe in Santa and so do my kids (ages 23, 21 & 21)


When my lad was 8 he still “believed “ in Santa and we were worried he would be teased at school. I had a word.

Me - Do you believe in Santa.
Him - No but don’t tell Mam, when I said I didn’t believe in the tooth fairy she stopped giving me the money.

Wise beyond their years.


And that, there is the answer. Our kids knew but by admitting it they knew they wouldn’t get any extra presents. They’re not stupid.
Anyway, we still put out a stocking for them every year. And every year, on Christmas morning, the stockings are miraculously full of tat.

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I shall be popping around for a word with your daughter! :santa:



Which one?

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erect a gallows in the garden and hang santa from it.

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Daughter who is just 7 was about to stop believing, but then the tooth fairy arrived (first tooth at 7, anyone would think she ever fucking cleaned them properly), so now her faith is restored.

Son is almost 12 and was recently caught trying to stick his Xmas list up the chimney for Father Xmas. It’s almost embarrassing tbh.


Are you sure he wasn’t just hiding his stash ?


My mum still does one for me and I left home 30 years ago.


I recall my Mum & Dad let us speak to Santa on the phone & tell him the things we wanted (presumaby one of their friends) which probably prolonged the mystery for a year or two.

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Start prepping up for the whole baby Jeebus virgin birth, God, Son, Holy Ghost religious side of Santa Xmas holidays.

Apparently, in my wife’s childhood home, all references to Santa were banned because of the German connection.

It was Father Christmas who brought the prezzies…

I’m looking forward to testing my ‘Legion of Santas’ theory in the years to come. I’m going to tell the boy that of course, it’s impossible for there to be one man who delivers presents to the whole world in one night.

But not impossible for a secret society of them.

Effectively, your shopping centre efforts are low level initiates. They go through the motions in the hope of being noticed and making their way further up the chain. There a telegenic santas for film and TV work and a senior inner circle led by a leader- let’s call him Santa Prime- who operate out of a secret polar HQ. Come the big night, a literal army of red suited fanatics at the helm of genetically modified reindeers set to work.

Provided you do some reading from the tinfoil section of the internet to get the details right, it’s pretty much bulletproof. It could even explain Krampus as a sort of ‘inner circle member gone rogue’ thing. At the trivial cost of my son’s mental stability, I’ve got this licked.


:thinking: I reckon you’ve been watching too many Hollywood Santa movies Ed :laughing:

The first rule of Santa club is we don’t talk about Santa club. Eh Jim? :grinning:


Ah the secret order of the Crimbonati.

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I didn’t want Santa taking any credit for my hard work,so i told my two he was a fraud,the devil a charlatan at the earliest point.:+1:

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