He will drown on his stronzi
Bogwash in an unflushed bog 
Daresay the bondage dungeon could help with some kind of a crossover match, tooâŠ
The year is 2024 -
Six years on from Pate-gate yet AA continues to lack sufficient bandwidth or evolved finesse & sophistication to kowtow to the third bardot of plaisir :
â** LE PATE DELUXE**â
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Tomorrow selected AA peers will surrender to a great & noble truth:
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Pie alone is an unfinished product.
? Drugs ?
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Those are for youths - x1 quenelle of Pate Deluxe sorts the men from the boysâŠ
Possibly some kind of head injury�
Or ergot poisoning�
Or somehow the Stronz has wriggled free of the leather straps and found Rupeâs foneâŠ?
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Whilst the focus here is often on the pie, the next logical concern is how best to elevate itâs consumption.
A good tasting should be performed following the exacting procedure below:
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The one fifth bite - This affords the taster the ability to note: âMouthfeelâ fruiting, spicing, clag- factor and limited initial impressions
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The remainder of the pie should then be placed in a bowl and mashed desperately with a fork. This stage releases essential oils for the sniff test before small quantities of cream are added in stages - Again a wrist of fury is required here to truly pulverise everything - Here we are looking for gloss and air to be achieved, it must be vitally smooth⊠This takes many thousands of pies of practice.
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Once the blending of cream (Devon double or clotted) is complete the consistency of ice cream out of the freezer for 7 minutes must be achieved. - Too dry will lead to violence. To wet, to tears.
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Using the correct Quinelle spoon perfectly craft the Pate and serve with smug satisfaction.
- NB: To the âohh no you fucking animalâ brigade - What do you think your teeth do to a pie with a dollop of cream? This method is A) superior to chewing which is quite an uncouth manual undertaking. B) More reliable / proficient at blending and refinement. The complete amalgam of pie to cream coats the mouth for up to 47 minutes allowing tones and notes of flavour to be revealed and defined which is not possible with rudimentary mastication.
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None of this you Complan mince pie freak.
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You really are a monstrous twat. 
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Tasting notes 2024
Here we can see the Guypie - if Houdini made pastry this would be it - crisp to the bite then it vanishes leaving no evidence what so ever - quite magnificent. 9.5/10
By contrast the Johnpie was deeper with thicker pastry using orange water and some almonds. The fruiting was elevated with brandy. 9.5/10
Yesterday there was some conversation about how to eat a pie. Today John revealed the Scouse approach which was both cunning and frankly a new echelon
Note how the lid has been surgically removed - cream inserted and then the lid squashed back into position. - Iâm really quite undone with this method - canât decide if I need to marry or avoid John in the future.
As Iâd suspected the firm and fair attendees to the tasting were not open to le pate deluxe⊠perhaps with time they will come around?
The worlds oldest man did manage a fair innings of pie you will be pleased to learn although he was wearing his slippers in another manâs house which is A) genius B) a sign age may have finally remembered to catch up with him?
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Just so
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Shhh, itâs OK, youâre not the only one to fear the pate. As a superior form of ingestion / flavor enhancement and general evolution it is a lot to take in. By design we have teeth which fail / decay and do an ok job at best. Sure chewey boiâs feel a little inadequate but thatâs understandable. Chimpanzees chew as do cud munching bovines. The pate rockets into the future of nutrition and that is a lot for the blinkered to fathom. All that is required is an open mind.
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Iâve got a gobful of teeth thatâd look ugly on a witch-doctorâs necklace, chewing not-infrequently causes me considerable pain, but Iâd still rather starve to death than eat that stomach-churning piepuke, thanks 
Honestly, Iâm sat here feeling queasy in much the same way that dog-Maxâs lunging at a puddle of trucker-diarrhoea that he fancied for his lunch earlier made me feel⊠
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I had two fillings last week. As unpleasant an experience as it was, it is worth it for a life less patéd.
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Listen to yourselves Sirs.
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Cream under lid = decent shout.
Pregurgitated pate = indecent guff.
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Iâm not having the cream under the lid thing. Itâs basically mince thievery. Pies should be balanced. Pastry and mince.
Iâll add my own cream, in quantities to suit my mood, thank you very much.
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Me and Richie, the pie Taliban.
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Join us.
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