Behold:
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Litterally didn’t have the words or space to scratch the surface of my ire here.
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Hmm…the annual mince pie thread up and running nicely…
Indulging in festering conniptions and apoplectic rage may not be up the wrong-thinking man’s rue, but the pie thread is for the brave!
It is a safe space to explore the shadow self — a place of freedom, healing, and the warm glow that comes from cunting off your friends and society at large for enduring the appalling abuse of pastry, decency, and taste being passed off as a “treat.”
Many deep truths can be revealed through the medium of the pie; this is serious business and not to be trifled with lightly. Some men howl at the moon after a sweat lodge, some pass the talking stick. Some crumple under the weight of woe and hateful little silver hats — but not the pie man. For here is a man who is sharpened by the dismal, honed by the wrongness, and forged in the flames that should have touched the shop pie in the fucking first place (But didn’t)
Do todays pies even see a fucking oven ?
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This is the way 
Ours is only from last year - still maturing
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Now google Blue Waffle and understand the true meaning of Christmas.
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I like to think that Waitrose,Sainsbury’s,Tescos,Lidl and aldi customers come to hear our reviews on the mince pie each year.
Infact I’m surprised Which hasn’t asked one of us to review the year’s offerings
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ISWYDT
How do we know they haven’t ? Just as long as it’s not the Paté Man. Not to be confused with the Jamaican Jerk
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Experiment conducted, result: external powdery husk crispened and browned a little - an improvement; internal sludge warmed - no improvement.
Don’t be so hard on yourself 
Oh, the old edit gag…
Greggs?
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Guarantee they are rubbish
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True awfulness.
Cowardice. It is neither lid nor star. They are playing both sides against each other.
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Need weight and dimensions please.