Nostradanus 2019 Desires & Predictions

General Chat
21

Wax cylinder faff to usurp tape.

Coffee faff to be replaced with instant from a jar.

Lopwell to be relocated to HM Prison Winson Green.

Mince pies to fall out of favour and the latest obsession to be home made cuntry slices.

Laws passed banning the wearing of wanky overpriced shoes, and all offences fast tracked to custodial sentence.

Jeremy Corbyn to trap himself in parallax boredom loop between two mirrors.

James O’Brien to secretly convert to leave in a private ceremony.

Brexit to be cancelled on the basis that no one knows what the fuck to do with it.

Dogs will take over Portugal in a bloodless coup.

Radiohead to go missing and be declared dead after mass public searching comes to nothing. No one attends the funeral.

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22

I’ll settle for just that.

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23

2019 is the year of the pig. I foresee the need to up my pork consumption by 500% (approximately) while also predicting a total ban on Westminster Gammon.

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This will be no problem with the power of Nduja - a miracle of Pork. It is nicely spicy and SPREADABLE! All Pizza’s and pasta’s have all been dosed to good effect over the last couple of months. Choritzo has been eclipsed.

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25

No predictions, just desires.

Lou will finally get her (successful) operation.
Sunderland will win promotion to The Championship.
I’ll find a Rockport Sirius III for £500 on eBay (and it won’t be a scam!)
Moar pigs will be slaughtered on Fetlar for me to eat.
I’ll finally complete the fucking music room and be able to host a bake off (and there will be enough maniacs on here that are willing and able to attend)

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26

I forgot the obvious prediction. Grammar trolls (troll’s in your case Matthew) to be flambéd and served up as entrees at the public celebrations surrounding the Brexit Festival.

:face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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27

Thats plane silly !

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entrées

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twotrees

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30

That post is obviously a matter for the Grammar Squad / Punstapo joint task force. Expect no mercy to be shown to recidivist miscreants like yourself.

:angry:

31

I’m not going to tempt fate after Anne’s Dad was rushed to hospital early this morning with convulsions and a temp of 46 !

Thankfully he’s been allowed home now after a day of IV anitbiotics but not the start to the new year we hoped for.

Still, I predict some red wine will be imbibed tonight. :wine_glass:

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32

I am excited about the prospect of spending more time travelling than required to get to Straya and yet not leave the UK or spend 21 hours in a railway siding outside Crewe due to timetable issues. :slightly_smiling_face:

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33

Meh !

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34

Whilst having my afternoon nap (To avoid my Mother in laws buffet) it transpires she served x3 children and my wife with uncocked Chicken nuggets (I believe they are partially cooked but require a further 15 mins in the oven to finish) she served them straight from the fridge.

Desire: Shit-a-geddon doesn’t kick in

Resolution: I will steadfastly nap through any further Mother in Law Buffets this year.

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35

Tories replaced by a Sleaford Mods / Tropical Fuck Storm coalition.

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:partying_face: hooked one already :partying_face:

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‘Uncocked’ eh? Do tell more. Has stronzetto been excluded?

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38

Desire: To become one of the idle rich.

Prediction: I’ll manage the first part, but somehow not the second.

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39

You already are. Being rich doesn’t involve money, it’s a state of mind.

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Lol, tell that to my bank manager!

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