There’s an AMG version of that with the M156 engine for when you want six other people travelling with you to all throw up on you at the same time.
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or the healthy option
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Tiny undersized wheels? - Check 
Dormer windows? - Check
Looks like it’s made of bits of boat? - Check
Room for 7 (tiny, nimble Asian) people? - Check
Handle like a drunken pig with a leg missing? - Check
Too ugly to ever be stolen? - Check
Ssangyong Rodius Silver Dream Machine XSEGTi has got you covered, baby! 
Can’t promise brown seats, but you’ve had enough excitement at this point…
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Jesus wept, did they actually make that?!
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That might be even more ugly than the thalidomide inspired Fiat Multipla.
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The multipla was at least designed fir a purpose ( I quite like them) but that thing patently involved no designing whatsoever , perhaps they found it under the mouldy bit of carpet in the pub?
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A Top Gear favourite.
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It’s a mini bus really with brown seats😍
Same colour, one year older and in bus form (LHD). Mine is a Super Viking conversion with Porker tombstone front seats and Teledial alloys.
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the full rear glory
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to be fair to spamflung their latest efforts are inoffensive looking and well specified for very cheap. Certainly a step above a Dacia.
The Rhideous is of course a classic in how to position your car so that it is flattened by the ugly tree when you take a chainsaw to it’s trunk. I suspect they will become a future classic commanding a premium price when nostalgic millennials hit their 40’s and 50’s, reminding them of the old shitter their dad was made to drive because mum forgot to taker her pill / dad’s condom split.
Never knew these existed before. Will investigate…
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there is a 6 seat variant if you don’t actually need the 7th
How very 90s 
No good asking me, try Mercedes 
Insufficient buttons, knobs, dials, levels and switches…
I’ll go with the Banana Splits car, probably more use to you in the winter with the mutts though, hose the lot down.