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Out of the goodness of my heart I tried to help some people with their breakfast and all I get is piss-taking. Cunts.
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Help. Porridge.
Does not compute. 
You’ll be trying it soon enough, oh yes… And Somewhere deep in your dark heart there will be fleeting recognition and appreciation. 
Pete later.
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I really won’t. Hate the vile slurry.
Oats should only be consumed where they belong. In biscuits. No need to fucking ruin them.
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The vagueries of a mortar and pestle grind will get to you eventually,
Do you think the Feld will have a suitable setting or will a new proprietary grinder be required?
He prefers a nice piece of fish with a mushroom sauce
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and pineapple topping
I like pineapple you fuckwits, it’s when you deploy it in contravention of the laws of nature and good taste that the problem arises.
I have heard an unholy trinity of ham, pineapple and jalapenos is quite the thing. Gonna try one soon.
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Brace for a connipt:
I like to lightly toast the oats (basically dry-fry in the pan) before cooking them - I stew them in water with apricots and sultanas until thick, leave to stand for 20 minutes. Milk goes in after so it doesn’t get that nasty-ass ‘cooked milk’ taste. Coconut milk is gurt lush for a change. Salt, no sugar, plenty in the fruit.
Pete could always sub dried pineapple for the apricots of course, possibly some crispy bacon or anchovies…
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Porridge with milk and salt. The Scottish way.
Milk’s a bit luxurious. Porridge with salt & water surely?
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It’s supposed to be a meal not a punishment…
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best breakfast porridge recipe.
Take 2 scoops of porridge, 2 slices of bread, salted butter and marmalade.
Throw the porridge in the bin, toast the bread, apply butter and marmalade.
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Water when cooking, milk and salt added.
Not for English people.