You appear to be assuming that I read anything your write. (post above excepted).
If you don’t, how come you take the piss out of pretty much every post I put on here?
Not that I mind of course…quite flattered really 
Can we get back to why microwaved porridge is shit please?
No need to qualify it with “microwaved”.
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It’s fine. You need to faff with your technique. Whenever I do it, it turns into real porridge.
The one thing I will say is that the chunkier oats don’t work as well. I think that Scott’s do two types, and they turn out very different. Naturally, having two children I need to buy both types.
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Porridge is the lowest form of carbohydrate.
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Ugh. Over extracted
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I had porridge this morning, made with semi skimmed milk in the microwave, then chucked some raspberry jam in the middle and sprinkled some of these on, mmmmmm…
Under. 
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Oats that won’t work, more faff required to get my method right, anything else?
There’s obviously some variation in how much moisture different types of oats can absorb.
It’s not quite porridge season for me but I did try this morning with some Lidl ‘Simply’ porridge oats and those proportions worked fine although the 2nd blast only needed 40 secs.
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Every time.
I use the Lidl ones, I think they are excellent.
What’s with the jumbo butt plug?
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Anything, brave enough, yadda-yadda 
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Emergency measures for the most obvious impacts excess roughage ingenstion? In @Jim’s case the plug might suddenly become an exocet though…
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If your slumming it.
can you actually digest that stuff?