This thread is dedicated to the polite and orderly discussion of the scrambling of hens’ and other eggs - it will be supportive and respectful, as is forum tradition
OK, you feckless cunts - like boiled rice, scrambled eggs are hilariously easy to cook and yet most people get them Rong - ending-up with soft, bright-yellow, flavour-packed, unctuous nonsense as if they’re feeding a load of handbag-carrying perfumed french"men"!
The benchmark you are aiming for is 1970s British hotel breakfast bar
Never Forget: There’s a War on!
Reach for a jug of your tepidest tapwater.
Reach for your trusty tin of -
Whisk the two together.
Microwave the mix until it is nicely congealed.
If it cannot be served in firm, vulcanised slices: you have Failed.
If it is not light grey in colour: you have Failed.
7.5. Don’t Fail - there’s a war on
Serve on cold-yet-unevenly burned slices of white Mother’s Pride, slathered in marge.
Garnish with thinly-sliced whale meat.
Lashings of red sauce out of a sticky, plastic, tomato-shaped dispenser
Think you can do better?
You can’t, obviously, but feel free to humiliate yourself trying.
OK, it must be time to steer the thread off-topic.
Farming Today on Radio 4 this morning had a feature on egg production. Things I didn’t know:
White eggs come from white chickens and they need less resource input than brown ones, so white eggs are ‘better for the environment’.
We still haven’t worked out how to make only hens. So 38 million male chicks are gassed each year at 1-day old (the corpses are sold to zoos and pet reptile owners).
In Lincolnshire chicken shit is a valuable product but, strangely, in other places it isn’t. They didn’t mention it, but I’m thinking the Wye valley.
April 1st is still two days away (I did know that).
A large knob of salted butter into a frying pan. As this is melting, the (quality, with orange yolks) eggs are cracked into a vessel. The more eggs, the bigger the butter knob has to be.
When the butter is hot, the eggs are tipped in, left for a few moments until they start to cook, then turned. At this moment the yolks are broken and gently combined with the whites which have started to solidify. This process is repeated until the eggs are nearly cooked, at which time another knob of butter goes in. Immediately the butter has melted they are ready.
I heard that as well. Part of me was thinking that they could let these male chicks put on a bit of weight before becoming zoo feed but it did sound as if the breeding needed to produce good female layers really inhibited the males’ potential to bulk up at all. The segment about sexing & aborting them while still in their shells (as they do in NL) was interesting too.
Take The freshest eggs preferably from farmer from the morning batch
Lumped teaspoon of clotted cream - Not that garage shit -
A bastardburg of highly salted butter
Pepper (Preferably Tellicherry)
The question is - what bread suits the scrambled best?
Also what sauce?
There definitely seem to be two very distinct schools of thought on whether scrambled eggs should be a uniform colour, or still have some separation of whites and yolks. I’m pretty agnostic on that front, but as I tend to err towards the low and slow approach, which requires a fair bit of stirring, they tend to end up relatively homogenous even if I start with eggs cracked straight into the pan.
You are absolutely right that it’s all about the butter, and milk, cream, cream cheese etc should be left in the fridge.
There is a knack with the temperature… Over agitation/stirring leads to a loss of silky texture?
Kerri has the knack. She does them beautifully every time. She also makes an excellent omelette.
I’m not keen on cracking the eggs directly into the pan. I’m happier cracking them into a pint glass, or similar first, so they go in the pan all at once and cook at the same rate.
