Slaughterman SOS - Another car thread

It seems pointless to pretend I know anything about cars. I have arrived at this conclusion based on the following evidence.


  1. Until one month ago I have inflated my tires in all vehicles since I was 17 to 26 psi - Apparently this has cost me thousands

  2. I have never sold a car - I have killed them all

  3. My current car is a BMW 320d - I have had x2 complete engine rebuilds in this bastard which has enriched my original £5K investment by an additional £6K

Having had the swirl flaps go, the engine blew up. Fixed that and 8 months later the Turbo went taking the best part of the engine with it. The turbo has begun to whine in a completely non sexy way. Looking at the evidence I suspect my Bavarian Bastard Works vehicle is preparing for death.

Mr. Mws covers a lot of ground - 500 miles per week average. Sadly it needs to be an estate the car as it will be shit high with large shit from hither and thither (He also needs enough room to lie down in the back and nap / host failed fondlings.
I am looking for something which will not fuck up, cost a shit load to fix and is efficient. I believe the car speak would be economical and reliable. It must also be comfortable for a man blessed with a mighty hind quarter.

Might it be worth looking at a contract type purchase? (Never done this before, any pointers?)

Budget is 10K top whack

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Don’t be silly @stu, the brief was

Can you even get a muffin for that these days? The Astra is beyond the reach of those of us with budgetary constraints.


“Google reliable family cars” and look at the top 10.

Mondeo as above, or Japanese equivalent. 10k will get a nice 2l TDI of one variety or another, consumables only for years to come.

Was just gloating



Just buy the best petrol-engined Toyota you can find for your budget. There will be plenty of Auris and Avensis estates for this money. Don’t buy a Japanese diesel, they all blow up.

And where the fuck, pray tell, is the fun in that?

Much as hate to recommend a people carrier type thing, Claire has a Ford S Max, and it is really, really good. Roomy, comfortable, cheap to service (providing your main dealer isn’t Bristol Street Motors, cunts) and in 4 years we haven’t had a problem.

This is a good shout…for the badge not noxious

I am spending all my muffin savings, I can’t kid myself an Astra will ever be an option but I would like something that doesn’t blow up all the time. or give me the Basil urge when I look at it.

Volvo V70 in brown.

I always liked the Subaru Legacy Est or Nissan X-trail. My second daughter bought a Kia Sportage 2.0d to tow horses and that is a nice car that has so far been low cost.

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Skoda Superb Estate.

We’ve got a '56 plate one. All it has ever needed is diesel, water, oil and a set of front tyres. Admittedly it has only done 24k mls, but flies through MOT’s and never falters.

Dull to drive, but that’s of no consequence here.

My neighbour has an Astra estate, diesel, manual, and it has a very large boot, nice car, 100,000 miles, no issues. 60 plate, I think. I think he would buy another one.

Brown Volvo, obvs.

Goes without saying.

Although ‘Death by swirl flap’ sounds quite pleasant it was a Chi raping experience. Whatever swirl flaps are they need to fuck straight off and not be present in the next lemon I buy.
Why must I cry?

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Will Stronzetto be undertaking the normal duties of a chauffeur? Procuring whores, brandy & specialist adhesives?