Continuing the discussion from The all-new shiny cockpunch thread (Part 1) - #10069 by MonitorGold10.
Previous discussions:
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Here goes…
Just had to grab a table tennis ball out of the panther’s throat.
Newish neighbours have a table tennis table in their garden. This is the fourth ball we’ve had in the garden in the last couple of months. We’ve been here for 5 years and never had a problem with TT balls before.
I’ve had enough and knocked on his door. He’s denied all knowledge of where they’ve come from.
Much WTF are you talking about from me - you’re the only family with a table who lives next door.
Really don’t think there’ll be Christmas cards this year. Fucking fuming right now 
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I’m sort of on his side, random table tennis balls are falling from the sky all the time 
Sounds frustrating, hope you can find some solution.
You don’t have a Thai stripper living on the other side by any chance?
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I tried to point out to the twat that in 5 years we’ve had zero instances of divebombing seagulls recreating the dambusters.
Tomorrow I shall share a leaflet he posted through our letter box to give an idea of the sort of shit-box fucking arse I’m having to deal with.
So very fucking angry right now. Anger I really don’t need at the moment…
Cunt. Cunt. Cunty cunt cunt 
That would be preferable
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Tell him that if any harm should befall your pet as a consequence of his recklessness you will sue him till he’s bone dry. If you want to go the whole hog you could pay a solicitor to write him that letter. It won’t make him friendly, but the fear of being really badly burned in the pocket might make him more careful with his ping-pong bat.
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If he’s posting objectionable tat I suggest returning his balls via the same method.
Totally unrelated I found this video.
I think the way forward here is very clear. For every ping pong ball that arrives in your garden, lob a bag of dog turd over the fence. It won’t take him long to understand the rules of the game and realise that he’s brought a knife to a gunfight.
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Tell him he’s a short-armed vulgarian.
I picked up this amazingly specific insult earlier today and I rather like it.
Slit it before launching and see if you can get it to land on the ping-pong table.
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With all the talk of burning pingpong balls and dogshit, a variant of the ‘Flaming Pasty’ surely suggests itself…?
Network Rail. Sort your cunting fucking track out. On fucking time.
GTR, sort your fucking staffing issues out.
Sense of humour failure based on being up at 03:30 for no fucking reason. The public transport system is a fucking joke and the only cunts laughing are shareholders.
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Myself. In the never ending process of entropy… Found some brown sugar in the cupboard, just filled the half full sugar jar up. It wasn’t sugar but Bulgar wheat - Have just spent 20 minutes trying to separate the sugar from the Bulgar (Impossible) Tea was weird
- Fuck you: Eyes
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Well at least you doubled your fibre intake for the day.
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As any fule* kno, you want Semolina for that!
*@Jim
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Hmmm… Not even printed on paper that is suitable for wiping one’s ass* either, is it?
*Unless one finds Izal appealing.
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See you there or be unaware!
Did you tread the path to enlightenment at the Horam village hall?
I was tempted. But after he tried to engage me in conversation about the Rothschild cabal and all the money in the BVI I decided he’s a fucking fruitcake.
Plus I didn’t want to be the only one there and have him thinking he’s got a new friend
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