If she lasts more than a week here without either Claire or me ending up being arrested for murder, I will send you 6 St Pierres.
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So sorry to hear of your Mums mishap RobâŚwishing her recovery goes well.
Alchol is your friend
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No jury of your peers would ever convict. You are always welcome to kip in the shed here if necessary.
All joking aside Iâm aware that gets very difficult when safety is the main dimension along which you measure the quality of life of a loved one. I hope your Mum gets better swiftly Rob.
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Oh yes
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Today I have mainly been on hold waiting to talk to Emirates and to my Bank. The 5x airfares and 5x seat charges from our cancelled trip to Straya last March should have been refunded to us by today at the very latest. Instead, we received 1 airfare with no corresponding seat charge refund. Emirates say it has all been paid, the bank say it has not. Luckily it is all documented and the Bank say a chargeback will be initiated on 5th November if it hasnât been sorted. This dragged on because I was too fucking ill to deal with it before the summer and it has turned into a saga.
The state of Emiratesâ hold musak is enough to incite Ghandi to violence.
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Have you considered sending Emirates a massive turd in a shoebox?
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National Gallery with kids; the book ahead system means itâs so sparsely populated that you can stand and stare at some of the greatest art in the world without any pressure to move along.
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Christ this rings some bells mate. I truly sympathise⌠And, for what incredibly little itâs worth, I feel your pain. I can at least swap going anywhere near the mad old bag - cos sheâs 200 miles away + COVID - for an extra big helping of guilt because Iâm really fucking relieved to have an excuse to stay the fuck away. My mither is at least in a care home now, which limits her ability to fuck herself up a little bit, the downside being the poor underpaid bastards having to deal with her love of winding people up until they snap, and general shitstirring and batshit fantasiesâŚ
Comes to us all eventually. Which is why Sam already has a plan in place for a one way trip to Switzerland when I get a bit much. Not gonna be for a watch-buying trip, eitherâŚ
Oh well, at least itâs âPot-Noodle-and-a-Wank-Nightâ as sheâs out on her âgirlâs nightâ tonight. Probably molesting some poor bastard male stripper as I type.
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I love her dearly, but a day a week is about as much as I can realistically stand of her Daily Mail fed opinions and passive manipulation. I make an Olympic effort at Christmas when she comes and stays for a few days.
But, she lived through a world war, met Hitler, saw a Jewish woman shot in front of her for stealing an apple from her hand when a death march came past the farm, was strafed by the USAF on several occasions, had to hide in the woods for fear of being raped when the Russians occupied the village, moved to a new country after the war, survived being married to my cunt of a father, brought 2 boys up by herself with literally no assistance from said cunt, who made a reasonably decent fortune in the oil industry of which we saw fuck all, got a social work degree in her 40s whilst working full time and still bringing us up , and now, at 89, deals with a load of health stuff, etc, etc, etc. And still has most of her marbles, manages to live in her own house and is incredibly generous to the girls.
So, as much as she manages to push my buttons, every fucking time, I will make the effort and make her welcome.
No sign of the ambulance btw, just had a call from the ambulance service, they are stretched to breaking point, and even so they recommend not taking her to A&E because of her age, and the risk of her being sat in a waiting roomâŚ
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I hadnât considered the shoebox at all, otherwise: Yes.
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Round here GPs used to be able to somehow get you into the X-ray queue and once youâd had that done you were into treatment and discharge quite quickly. Iâm remembering all this from when I broke my ankle maybe 15-20 years ago. That was at 08:00 though, and the GPâs doors had just opened, not 22:30.
VB
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Donât know if that still works, as you say probably not at 22:30. She has a great GP, who rang her up for a medication check up while I was there the other day and was on the phone for a good 20 minutes.
The lady who just called from the AS was really apologetic, stressed theyâd not forgotten about her, just stretched to the limit, or listening between the lines, actually beyond the limit.
Claireâs there with her now, and Iâll take the day off work tomorrow to help sort stuff out.
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Just seen on the local news, the 2 hospital trusts closest to my mum (Warrington and Knowsley & St Helens) are being absolutely battered with regard to emergency beds due to COVID. So can understand the delay. Jesus.
Is the correct answer 
You will miss her when sheâs gone.
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Oh god yes, goes without saying. Sheâs annoying, but not on purpose. Which probably says more about me than her. Apart from the manipulation bit, thatâs definitely on purpose.
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Hope mum is ok Rob and if she does have a fracture that it is easily and quickly rectified. The joys of age eh, keep on her good side, a hook from a plaster of paris cast hurts like buggery.
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Sorry to hear that Rob, she sounds like a force of nature though pal, so fingers crossed all is well 
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Yesterday, getting a suit fitted.
Took a selfie and showed it to the wife when I got home.
âOoh, you look like one of Gilbert and George.â
Way to burst a blokeâs bubble. For the avoidance of doubt Iâm the short one.
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Is that a gun in your (Gilbertâs) inside pocket ? If so heâs going to struggle to get to it with all three buttons fastened.
VB
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