Think it through man - you’re supposed to be a chef - most people associate couscous with chicken or sausage, and 'tate salad usually has dairy in (mayo, yoghurt, sour cream, whatevs), green and tomato salads generally don’t have much more than a splash of basic dressing.
…plus, it’s Scotland - it’s not like anyone is going to eat the salad anyway…
come at me bro!
Debatable, if you ask the locals.
At least my cat knows how to hold a chib 
Crow’s coming in team-handed m8
ooo terrified
Perfect murder? 
MUD
Today was the Carol Service at the village church…
Not my thing, but I wasn’t the only atheist there. My job was to make and serve the mulled wine…
And support the Musical Director…
Getting into a lame car parking argument.
Parked my car on the high street, for one of the only times in my life right outside the shop I needed to visit, and left a good 3’-4’ between mine and the car in front, and as I step out, this guy emerges from a nearby shit in a tray merchant shouting, ‘Oi’ at me. I look up, ‘Yeah?’ ‘You gonna move your car? Rammed up against me.’
I was confused as I generally make an effort to leave as much space as possible as I hate people that box others in. So I walk to the front to take a look and yes, there was a load of space. Go to take a look at his car and there was 1’-2’ behind him also. And his car wasn’t a big car - forget the model but it wasn’t much larger than a Fiat 500. It was a little tight but easily enough to get out.
So I say, ‘There’s plenty of room!’
‘No there f-ng isn’t, you’ve boxed me in, the guy behind me is right up against me, and you’ve got tonnes of space behind you, you selfish c***.’
I channelled my best Guy Ritchie, ‘Mate, you could take off a jumbo jet from there’ - hoping some moderate humour would defuse the situation.
It didn’t.
At this point I decided it wasn’t worth getting my car/person scratched for so I acquiesced and got in and reversed back a bit more.
Was thinking just my luck that the one time I get a space outside the shop, I have to suffer this fool. Anyway, I went across the road to buy an oversized tuna melt and now I’m sitting here in a mild carb-induced delirium, so not all bad.
Mowing the fucking lawn, again! STOP GROWING you bastard it’s the middle of December 
What s fucking wanker he is. I got my 110 out this morning with 18 inches front and rear.
He gets around too. He was in B&Q’s car park in Abingdon on Saturday. As I was leaving (pulling onto the main entrance/exit 2-lane stretch - one lane in each direction) he cut across the front of me and deliberately blocked my way because I was ‘driving out of a turning which is inbound only’. He seriously wanted me to drive all the way down to the front of the shop, through all the pedestrians coming in and out, across the shop front and then all the way back so I could leave through the next turning along. I got out and pointed out that there was more than enough room for both of us to pass one another and would he just go and park where he fancied and leave me alone. But no. Apparently his driving licence (I assume he has one) permits him not only to drive his own car but to drive everyone else’s car as well, and nothing quite makes his weekend as much as being a self-appointed traffic warden in a private car park. I suspect he’s asked Santa for a peaked cap and a book of ‘My First Parking Tickets’.
I couldn’t be arsed to argue so I reversed back into my parking space and watched him drive angrily past. Then I left as I’d intended.
Same, with that and some-of-the-pruning, I started at 11.30 and just got back in now. Mowing’s done, but feels like the pruning’s barely been started, albeit the clipping heap (6’-20’ branches and vines mainly) is now taller than me…
Whose idea was it to get a fuckhuge garden? Ah… Yeh… Me… Cockpunching over here please!
You ask, Happy to oblige…
Hopefully he saw you in his rear-view mirror…
