Wanky car tech

Do all cars have wanky tech that doesn’t really work very well?

My Hyundai has an app that, amongst other things, tells me where the car is. Since we have residents’ parking, which can be some way away from home, it’s kinda handy. In principle…

Yesterday I was walking to the car, slightly later for school pickup than I would prefer to be, and I suddenly couldn’t remember whether Claire had said London Road or Old London Road. So I looked at the app. London Road, it said.

Only the car wasn’t there. Looking closer, it said that was at 8.04am. That’s before the school run. Refreshing the app didn’t change it.

So in eight hours, including being driven twice, the car didn’t update its location. It definitely connects to the network, as it shows the traffic status, but it just doesn’t bother to update location. How fucking shit is that?

In what works do the coders not think that they should add in a simple update of location every time the ‘ignition’ is turned off?

Does everything on all cars work so badly? The only one that seems to get software right is Tesla, as far as I can tell. Apart from wipers…

I’ll let you know if I ever buy a car with wanky apps.


Not much to complain about with my 10-year old Mondeo. I rarely use the sat nav, but when I do it does seem to work. Except of course that its map is now well out of date. TBH I don’t know what it’s connecting to to get real-time traffic updates, which it does seem to do. But surely whatever it is could also update the map, couldn’t it ?

Yes, yes, I realise ‘everyone’ uses their phone for nav these days. But the display on the in-car unit is much bigger than a phone screen, it’s positioned where the sun doesn’t reflect off it and it isn’t competing with a bright background, the whole thing’s not held in place with some sort of wobbly rubber sucker, the touchscreen buttons aren’t pinhead-sized … in short it’s better.

Mine has a battery that’s wank !

Android Auto is your friend, possibly :full_moon_with_face:

Is the answer Raspberry pie?

and custard

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I am not sure if the following fits here, but let me jot it down and you’ll surely let me know :wink:. Everything on my 2011 AUDI A6 Saloon works perfectly, a little too perfectly. Let me explain.

When I purchased the car (new in 2011) the government was imploring us to go diesel. One reason was because of better milage, and so better for the environment, provided the emissions systems could meet the minimum legal standards.

Audi had been winning on the racing circuit with their diesel-engined race cars and started advertising that the technology learned from such was enabling them to produce Diesel engines for their new car range that were capable of high performance but at the same time putting out astonishingly low pollution.

In light of these claims, I bought a new A6 sedan (manual trans, with smallest 1.8 litre turbocharged Diesel engine). I loved this car. It does everything better than any other car I have ever owned. Very nippy for being such a large car (though parking would be impossible if not for the front and rear radar). In fact, all the electronics have worked well from day one, never giving me the slightest hassle.

What I didn’t know at the time I bought the car was that AUDI had installed some “wanky car tech” that senses when the cars’ emissions are being tested, and then changes all the computer-controlled air/fuel settings so that the test always shows it as meeting the low CO2 emissions laws (and as being what it was claimed by Audi to always be). However, once disconnected from the tester, the clever Wanky car technology changes all the fuel/air settings back to the far more polluting performance settings that gives it the performance that sold you the car when you test drove it in the first place.

can you summarise in one sentence

Or not :unamused:

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Audi: illegal cheating cunts.

It’s proper wanky car tech for sure. Is there a class action for compensation or something? I haven’t kept up with the case, but they should compensate owners.

The answer to any question involving Adam should absolutely never be answered with anything involving technology (or anything that is sharp, has pointy edges or is toxic if eaten)

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Yes, case pending. Group-like but can’t be like those in USA so here, though I am jointly liable to pay VW it’s costs if we loose, if we win the lawyers and main litigants win most money and the rest of us split what is left.



Ouch! :rofl:

My bike has wanky tech.
It tells me if it has a puncture, like I won’t notice it myself.
I can connect my phone to it, I’ve yet to work out why.
Keyless ignition which means I have to carry a chunky key fob thing in my pocket while riding.
Suspension that can be adjusted on the fly but breaks if you use it when sat on the bike.

All totally useless.

So far all the wanky car tech (admittedly not exactly cutting edge) on the Duster works quite well, however, I’m really not sold on the keyless entry thing, I find it irritating.