This is a common misconception Chris. Polished boards or tiles are all very nice in your Strayan MacMansion, but there is nothing like a few square metres of threadbare and sticky Tretford carpet in the living room to slow down the fucking redbacks, fire ants and white tails. It also gives the dog somewhere to wipe its arse so everyone is a winner.
Back on topic: That fucknugget Farage can do one. I recognise the man is an imbecile but his performance today warrants the usage of a pair of bricks followed by chemical castration to make sure. A lobotomy might also be appropriate. The man is a national embarrassment.
A mahoosive pile-driver to the feckers at HMRC. Some of you may recall that I am a contractor in the public transport industry: We’ve just been told at work that come the new year we will either have to pay full PAYE or go on Fixed Term Contract at vastly reduced rates. So well done HMRC for instigating this pile of shit - if I was to go FTC then I would be paying less tax than I would if I’d stayed as a contractor and paying my CGT. Pricks!
Aged mothers who won’t fucking well sit down and be waited on, but insist on “helping”. Last Xmas when my mum “helped” she “helped” a 100 year old willow pattern serving plate that belonged to Claires grandmother onto a tiled floor. How Claire didn’t murder her there and then still astounds me.
She’s been in the house for 5 hours now, 2 of which I spent in the pub as decompression from the 30 minute motorway trip bringing her here, and now I really wish I’d stayed there…
Fucking Blu Tac. Cards stuck on the wallpaper keep dropping off taking paint with them. I have to redecorate every January. Crap stuff. Next year a hilti gun.
My usual provider of mince pies has let me down this year. They are normally close to perfection. This year they have soggy bottoms. Even soggier than mine.
