Terrifically popular. Sorry, I meant horrifically popular.
VB
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Terrifically rich as a result - the cunt.
He took over where James Last left offâŚHousewives favourite
Thankfully Iâve never heard of him. He has a face you could smack though.
Cockpuch to whatever has taken over my body this afternoon - I feel like death warmed up 
Another cockpunch to me for agreeing to do an extra shift tomorrow 
An ironic self-cockpunch for meâŚ
While doing the mandatory Preventing Sexual Harrassment on-line training today, I wittily remarked via Skype to Mrs Waxy that âApparently, it is not OK to expose your genitalia at work. Glad we cleared that up.â
Only it wasnât Mrs Waxy I was messaging. It was one of my offshore (female) direct reports.
Bugger.
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Ha ha. gross misconductâŚ
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Not gross enough, it seems.
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In a previous jobâŚ
A colleague was being a twat, and annoying me, so I decided to IM another colleague who was sitting opposite to say âFFS, Bob* is such a twatâ. Except I typed it into the chat window I had open with âBobâ.
As I hit send, I realised what Iâd done and watched him slowly turn around and look at me. At which point I was anything the earth to swallow me. 
Oops.
*Not his real name.
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âwrong chat windowâ doesnât really help 
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half pint cocktail glasses can fuck the right off, appears to be the fashion round town this Christmas. get ta fuck!
Iâll drink from that cup
I suspect many have already.
Whereâs the goldfish?
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The solicitors who are supposed to be facilitating my mother in lawâs purchase of a house can have one. They have dicked around for weeks and left her between houses (= our spare room).
Itâs been a week. So far the kettle has been left on the induction hob for so long that all the water boiled away and the enamel burnt off the side. Apparently, it makes too much noise if you close the whistling lid.
Somehow the spur box that feeds the boiler got helpfully turned off, leading me to have a cold shower yesterday morning.
On the other hand, every light switch in the house has been permanently turned on. Her dog is upsetting my asthma and, if Iâm not deathly quiet when I get up in the morning, wakes up and trolls me while Iâm trying to have my breakfast in peace.
The office is closing from tomorrow, so I canât hide at work any more.
Oh, itâs going to be a fun Christmas.
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Lie back and think of the inheritance?
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Or get planning and make the inheritance arrive sooner 
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There is that. It might arrive sooner than I imagined.