Fresh meat

Evening all, what’s the protocol for new pillocks like me who stumble onto here from another (politer) forum and decide to stick around for the appalling language?

Do I say hello and bore everyone with my mediocre kitlist or just keep feeding in pictures of my dog and cats and hope for the best?


Hi Ross, Welcome! It’s customary to call at least one established member a cunt in your first week. Ask a hifi question and then do the complete opposite and feel a curious anger towards unsalted butter. By Christmas you will be a seasoned member and will enjoy the annual Mince Pie discussion which tends to get a little more lively than say - the poll tax riot.


Thick skin > thick skull :ok_hand:


Yes, You are also required to take the piss out of @Jim and @Professor_Chaos because they like unsalted butted and to tell @Mrs_Maureen_OPinion to feck off because reasons.

Welcome aboard.

EDIT: I have no idea why this took over an hour to post. AA bullshit filter in action I suppose…




Hi :wave: I like cats and swearing.

There’s a coffee thread . . . this way madness lies.


If you can pretend to brew artis(anal) coffee and wear cunty shoes, you’re sound. Just dive in.

1 Like

Dogs, cats, coffee and salted butter notwithstanding, there is actually a thread for this kind of thing.

I guarantee that my kit is more mediocre than yours, ner ner ner.

Welcome. If you are aimlessly bitter and angry about just about everything, and convinced of your own righteousness then you’re in the right place.

If you are reading this, your mental breakdown is now so severe that you are hallucinating a hifi forum where angry old men try their best to avoid discussing hifi and instead busy themselves calling one-another “CUNTS!” in as many colourful and creative ways as their limited imaginations will allow.

Here is a brief Beginners Guide To The Voices In Your Head:

It is vital that you regularly kill entire threads stone dead with pedantic non-sequiturs because someone has made a generalisation to which you can think of a single, trivial, irrelevant exception. In this particular mundane fever-dream, hate is a fuel, and this is the refinery.

The harder you try to be funny, the more you will Fail, if you’re going to Fail, (and you will), put some effort into it so that we can all share the rosy glow of an Epic Fail. And Yes, this is where 2003 left its useless memes.

There is a specific thread to flytip the wheelchair-orphans of humour from Facebook and leave them there to die. Spread the hate.

Protip - the Moderation team really, really enjoy themed puns, which sometimes run through unrelated threads like a peg-legged mongol in an egg-and-spoon race. Damn! They love that shit so much…

Here, we Believe in cables :ok_hand: :ok_hand: :ok_hand: Most of us only own very expensive cables - with the right cables, actual hifi systems are redundant: Transcend The Hifi Brother! Cheap cables are a bannable offence.

A casual disregard for mains safety is also an endearing quality in a man: the forum elite regularly meet-up on the first plane of the afterlife (at the end of the Tunnel of Light, see you there!), after ritually removing all of the fuses from our plugs and replacing them with copper bars (lick the socket first, to make sure it’s live, obviously). We make all of our own power cables - typically from dramatically unsuitable bits of low-voltage coax.

Earthing is for poofters.

There is also a special thread where you can pretend to be listening to cool and interesting left-field musical choices. Obviously no-one actually is - it’s a solid diet of Dire Straits, Mantovani, Mrs Mills Sings WWII, and Des O’Connor compilations in reality :+1:

I would say “Have fun!”, but fun is another bannable offence.





Which, of course, isn’t much use here due to the tradition of having somewhat oblique thread titles :+1:

The more a thread title sounds like a Vatican Shadow track title, the better. I don’t make the rules.


Encounter with Meatmen: A Report on Two Dangerous Tribes

Introduction: The Meatmen are a curious group, divided into two main obsessive tribes with distinct characteristics and interests. This report aims to shed light on their traits and preferences based on the dire luck of being a reluctant member. The two tribes within the AA community have some overlapping data points but are fundamentally conjoined by way of obsessive compulsive behaviour.

  1. The Gargantuan: Comprises of individuals who are notably enormous with voracious appetites. Their eating habits are the stuff of fable, there is no word to emphasize the sheer magnitude of their consumption. These individuals can be easily placated with two things: custard and charred fauna Don’t offer Coffee, they love coffee but not your coffee. Same goes for music suggestions and or knife sharpening. Safeword: ‘Tomahawk’

Key Characteristics:

  • Enormous Appetite: The Gargantuan are known for their insatiable urges.
  • Sensitive Areas of Interest: Avoid discussing watches, cameras, the Cuntservative party, Japaneese knives, anything against sloth (As a lifestyle choice) or exceptionally wide footwear.
  • Soldering Skills: Surprisingly, some members possess delicate and dainty soldering skills, which can be quite endearing. However, it is advisable not to broach this topic until they have been well sated.
  • Fondness for Cats: Most members of this tribe share a love for cats.
  1. The Persil: Characterized by their obsession with cleanliness, sharp appearances, and dedication to the latest exercise regimes. They are often found engaged swimming around icebergs hyperventilating or conquering mountains on pedal bikes. Some even enjoy running for the sake of it. Don’t offer Coffee, they love coffee but not your coffee. Same goes for music suggestions & Cuntservatives. Safeword: “Quinoa”

Key Characteristics:

  • Clean and Crisp: The Persil tribe are known for what they believe is an immaculate and sharp appearance.
  • Fitness: They profess to excel in the latest exercise routines and physical activities.
  • Touchy Areas of Conversation: Avoid discussing watches, VTA, decor, Japanese knives and Holland & Barrett
  • Fondness for Dogs: Most members of this tribe share an affinity for dogs.

Conclusion: It is important to note this report provides valuable insights into the two main tribes within the AA community. Understanding their distinct characteristics and sensitive areas of conversation can be useful when engaging with them for research purposes.


Playing with Open AI again?


Haha Yes!

As a fully paid-up Gargantuan*, I will mention in passing that if you really want to upset us, you will suggest things like sharing a dessert, fruit-instead-of-cake, and you will say fucking stupid, offensive things like “Mind if I nick a chip?”.

Just don’t - digging shallow graves in remote woodland is bloody hard work and most of us have heart conditions.

*Prefer dogs.


Just as long as you know the sweet spot always belongs to Jim you’ll be fine.


What the actual fucking fuck? No cunt has mentioned Valves yet. Or horns for that fucking matter.

And what about You Tube videos of said systems that most cunts on here fucking love watching?



If only there was a separate, dedicated thread for this type of conversation.

1 Like

That would mean using the search function :man_shrugging: