Fortunately he’s blissfully ignorant of the who sorry farrago, but I am tempted to put together a system of the biggest, ugliest components I can find at sane prices…
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That’s like blokes who buy their missus a new set of rims for the car…
DO IT! Trolling is an art remember
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Roksan Xerxes obvs 
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Plug and Play, then Rega I’d say. Obviously stuff like the P8/P10 etc available from a dealer. Would suggest the Gyro/Orbe but as others say, its a bit of a faff.
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That’s about as far away from plug & play you can get 
ah but once sold it’s SEP
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Why? Jim gets in nice car goes for drive, sets up turntable, gets paid, drives home. Jim plugs, buyer plays.
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Popped up in my clickbait suggestions today
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absolute genius, basically a Nest thermostat that plays vinyls.
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Nice design
£2,000
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