Fortunately he’s blissfully ignorant of the who sorry farrago, but I am tempted to put together a system of the biggest, ugliest components I can find at sane prices…
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That’s like blokes who buy their missus a new set of rims for the car…
DO IT! Trolling is an art remember
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Roksan Xerxes obvs 
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Plug and Play, then Rega I’d say. Obviously stuff like the P8/P10 etc available from a dealer. Would suggest the Gyro/Orbe but as others say, its a bit of a faff.
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That’s about as far away from plug & play you can get 
ah but once sold it’s SEP
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Why? Jim gets in nice car goes for drive, sets up turntable, gets paid, drives home. Jim plugs, buyer plays.
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Popped up in my clickbait suggestions today
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absolute genius, basically a Nest thermostat that plays vinyls.
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Nice design
£2,000
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Starting the hunt for a direct drive turntable to finish off my little collection
Budget would be £1500 max. Suggestions.
SP10.
Very nice NOS Sony TTS-6000 here:
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Well possibly too expensive but after many years of various levels of turntable from rega 2, to SME15, I loved my project Perspex the best.
You can often pick up used project experience decks for next to nothing
Kev’s looking for a direct drive.
Hook it up to a cordless drill
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Sony TTS-8000 or SP-10.
I, personally, prefer my DP-80 to the SP-10 I had, but the SP-10 seems to be a “go to” deck.
I think you can shape the sound alot by choice of plinth, mat, arm, cartridge etc. It is quite possible to make one sound grey & relentless.