The all-new shiny cockpunch thread

6 isn’t exactly what I’d call a massive table tbh either. I’ve you’d said 10 covers, then sure, that’s starting to get tricky.

Both I and the wife used to get on the tube (off the train) at Farringdon, me going east, her west.

The City folk who do it every day queue up, wait for every last person to get off and then file in.

The tourists and randos going to King’s Cross: absolute pandemonium, pushing, shouting, you name it.

My all-time favourite commuting moment was at Bond Street one evening. Distinguished older gentleman in a long, midnight blue overcoat remained seated through all the argy-bargy, then at the very last second he stood up, swept his coat behind him, half the people in the carriage muttered “Terrence Stamp” and he kind of surged on as the doors almost but not quite closed on him. The craft, darling, the craft.

Oh yes, and the lady who waited until the end of the beeps before chopping across the throat the dickhead who’d forced his way in and pushing him back out onto the platform. Small ripple of appreciation for that one.


I organise a pub lunch once a month for some ex-workmates (fellow retirees) and we’re usually 6-8. When calling the half dozen regular pubs and the handful of ‘occasional’ places we fancy I’ve hardly ever been refused, and when I have been I’m 99% sure that they really were fully booked. Before covid we would quite often just show up at a pub without booking. The one time I remember us being turned away was when they weren’t serving food to anyone other than those attending a wake they were hosting.

I’d agree it shouldn’t be an issue, but our regular pubs tell us 6 is the magic number when problems can start with getting food onto tables simultaneously - and if that doesn’t happen, they get shitty reviews on Tripadvisor &c.

Didn’t used to be this way, but staff shortages exacerbate it I guess.

Fuck 'em, just booked somewhere that is glad to have the off-season business.


Thought I’d post here rather than in the watching thread.

I never used to watch fantasy football or his comedy in the 90s/00s so thought I’d have a little google.

Get the impression the guy is a bit of a cunt and his apology to Jason Lee was a token gesture for the show, especially given it was 25 years after the event.

This is pretty shocking

It is not just the gags that they have retained from their school days. Baddiel uses the real names of his teachers and school chums.

‘I got a very big complaint about that once,’ he remembered. 'We did a sketch on the telly show about the school spanner, you know, the guy who was such a plonker he deserved to be bullied. Rob changed the name of his, but I couldn’t. You see his name was part of the reason why he was a spanner.

‘Anyway, I got a letter from his sister saying she was absolutely disgusted to hear his name used like that, thank goodness he was out of the country, what would his employer have thought, etc. What you don’t realise, she added, was that when he was at school he was having a lot of problems at home: his mother was dying. Well, the funny thing was we all knew his mother was dying, but the cruelty of schoolkids was such that we didn’t care.’

Baddiel has lost little of his cruel edge. He used to do a gag about his fan mail - of which he receives sackloads - much of it from 14-year-old girls saying they want to wrap him in their duvets and feed him jelly babies.

‘So I claimed that I wrote back saying: ‘Forget the jelly babies, what about some anal intercourse?’ It took quite a lot of nerve to say it, and half the audience really roared. But a lot of them looked really upset. After a while I realised I was kind of trampling over half my audience’s dreams and stopped doing it.’

What kind of fucking assumptions were made then; quote:

“We did make assumptions about lifestyle and we accept that we got that wrong. We will be implementing further training across the whole organisation. We abhor racism in any shape or form and we know that we have a responsibility to all our communities.”

I bet their What’s App chats would make ‘interesting’ reading.

I really would like them to publish their fucking “assumptions” because one could be forgiven for wondering if there could be some crass racial stereotyping.


CP to some of these as well:

My lads place suffered from this. The landlord answer was to turn the heating up and open the windows, in winter!

Of course there were no fans in bathrooms or kitchens, damp was in the walls, the roof was leaking and many windows were single glazed.

Some landlords are just plain cunts.


And the lovely tories voted that that is ok, whilst taking money away from councils and forcing them to use these scummy private landlords and taking money off the people living there as well

Estate Managers as well. What passes for one where I live is somewhat less keen to visit our block.

This might be due to my response to a communication issued by this person a couple of years ago.

In this communication, this person appeared to target two neighbours; making unfounded accusations. The following incident was mentioned in the subsequent email in which I copied our Local MP:

When I asked this person what they were doing about the rat infestation, I was shouted at.

That was not a very good idea. I acknowledged the polite response of the rather uncomfortable looking Contractor- who said hello- and said that I do not appreciate being spoken to like that, and that I’ll be waiting by the front doors to talk about this.

I also mentioned Safety Critical repairs required on the stairs- loose and broken tiles; hallway, staircase and car park lighting and damage to property by contractors.

Oh, and as there was a comment about storage in “Common Areas” of bicycles and prams- permitted in the Title Deeds- being a “Fire Hazard” I asked when last Fire Safety Inspection was carried out and why this (three storey mid 'eighties) block had no Fire Extinguishers…

I got quite the response and oddly enough the Estate manager tends to avoid talking to me.

Quite frankly, I feel that a lot of this shit is related to an extremely weird Class System that appears to view people who rent as somehow inferior.

I’ve always challenged cunts on this and I did ask if I was being treated differently because I rent in the above mentioned email.


4 posts were merged into an existing topic: Crimes against cuisine (for all your vegan and Marmite matters)

This bloke. Cockpunching is probably not quite good enough.

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“he’s accused of going on a mass shooting at a gay bar and killing five people”
“ok well he’s not gay, you can say that, my boys not gay”

Well at least he’s a glass half full type of guy.

There’s just not enough good veteran republican Mormon optimists in the world today.


They’d have a field day with rainbow crusaders

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Cunts like this:

Cockpunch to whoever has left the ambulance service to get to breaking point. For example today:

First incident, young lady jumped in front of a car on purpose. She was hit, went over the bonnet and up and landed in the road. Broken shoulder, head injuries etc pretty bad, took two hours for ambulance to arrive even though the call was the highest priority they have. Couldn’t be moved by us safely and transported due to the level on injuries etc.

Second incident:
Person calls ambulance themselves at 2300 due to the level of pain they are in. At around 0530 they call the person back to try and tell them they are on route now 6 1/2 hours later. She doesn’t answer the call so they cancel the ambulance and call police to cover their back.

We have to go as anything could have happened causing this person to not answer the call. When I arrived I had enough grounds to force entry to the house from what I could see through the window. On finally waking the person it turns out they didn’t hear the call back as they were passed out due to the level of pain they were suffering. Call back ambulance asking them to attend on the hurry up as they kept slipping in and out of consciousness, struggling breathing etc. Still took another 2 hours before they could attend so total time from the first call to them to attendance of 9 hours. Again due to what was wrong with them we couldn’t move them safely so couldn’t just take them ourselves.

It’s not right, I feel sorry for whoever has to make these calls at their comms, and the crews who really must be so overrun at the moment.

So of my shift last night, literally half of it was waiting for ambulance and of that time 2 hours of it where paid over time for a double crew. Which at the end of the day is nothing as it meant the second example got the help they needed, however it is wasted tax payers money that shouldn’t be needing to be spent.

It is so common now for us to end up transporting people ourselves to hospital due to the waiting times and being so busy ourselves that we can’t get tied up just waiting for ambulance arrival.


It is bloody terrible at the moment. No doubt even when summertime does get to AE they are waiting on a corridor on a trolley. One of this issues is that hospitals are backed up with well and largely elderly who have no where else to go, adult social services having been ground down to a trailing service in many local authorities. Add to that the shortage of medical staff, the reduction in available beds due to cuts in capacity and the increase in demand for hospital services post Covid and you have a perfect storm.

Leave you to guess who’s responsible.

Yes, its definitely a vicious cycle, people who aren’t engaged by services now will end worse and clogging them up rather than interventions preventing it.

I honestly can’t remember the last job I went to when I didn’t have to put in some sort of referral.

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I really do feel for you. But, of course, this will all be blamed on striking nurses